Who Threw That Ham at Me?

Apparently...

2008-08-12T16:43:00.002-05:00

I'm going back.

I'm all for the Pink House

2008-08-07T11:15:00.001-05:00

Paris Hilton Responds to McCain Adfunny videosFunnyOrDie.com

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Quick Review of Mamma Mia

2008-07-23T16:42:00.002-05:00

Pray that the theater burns to the ground before you are forced to go see this move.

I can only wish that the Greek Chorus (great job ladies, you were the ONLY part of the movie that I enjoyed) revolted and captured the director of this TRAGEDY of filmmaking and sacrificed her to appease the ancient gods of whatever island was the location and in doing so will save the rest of humanity from ever having to have another one of her movies unleashed on us again.

Christine, Julie, Pierce, Colin and Meryl...I forgive you for you know not what you did.

To those of you who saw me last night..

2008-07-13T13:59:00.004-05:00

I realize i was in rare form. If any of you have pictures or video of the wrestling match I got into at the bar last night with the mohawk boy, please send them my way. If you were one of the people that I called "trash, spic, jew-boy, mexican hooker, Pekingese (don't ask me why), fat whore, wuss, loser, bitch, nasty cunt, cum faced cunt, smelly cunt", or any other choice monikers I called out, well if you didn't deserve it I apologize. To the boy whom I poured my drink on, well you DID deserve it, but I'm sorry about that too. To the shot boy, please don't ever serve me those blue ones again, I blame you for all of this and how I feel today.

You know it's bad when you wake up with a vague recollection of BEING ON THE FLOOR OF THE BAR not once, not twice but THREE times and then you decided that it was time to go home. You know it's bad, when you look out side and your car is parked sideways. Oh, to the person who honked at me on my way home I'm sure I deserved it, but honking at drunk people does not make them happy and that it why I rolled down my window and screamed at you. You know it's bad when the boy you like (see previous post) calls you the next day and says "You left me a message at 2 am and you are a DIRTY BOY!" To the woman at Whataburger I called a cunt for not putting pickles on my burger, I'm sorry. If it's any consolation I dumped my entire whatasize coke on my lap in the car and will now have to have it detailed.

I'm going to go eat lots of Mexican food now, drink lots of water, and then I'm going to hide from the paparazzi.

xo

Red Velvet...blood red

2008-07-12T17:51:00.002-05:00

I have a new boy crush...he is totally cute and a successful artist/photographer, and he's totally sexy. And he has a thing for armadillos.

You all know what this means don't you? If we get married I get to have a groom's cake in the shape of a Giant Armadillo!!

My dreams will finally have come true!!

The James Lipton Interview

2008-07-01T23:04:00.002-05:00

I stole this from a new reader, Jim over at "Jim's Notes" . It's Benard Pivot's questionnaire made infamous by Inside the Actor's Studio's host James Lipton...

What is your favorite word? dirty - I'm dirty, you're dirty, that's dirty, dirty whore, etc
What is your least favorite word? head - the phrase "I have to hit the head" makes me ill.
What turns you on [creatively, spiritually or emotionally]? cooking/food - I love the blending of flavors, comfort food, new food, exciting food, etc.
What turns you off? bad smells
What is your favorite curse word? FUCK! As in "Fuck me running" my favorite phrase when exasperated.
What sound or noise do you love? a summer thunder storm, a train in the distance, and the sound of a wine cork all make me happy.
What sound or noise do you hate? "The leaf blower or a ringing phone can send me into a conniption fit."
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Vintner
What profession would you not like to do? Jr. High Teacher
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? "Welcome, here is your VIP packet..."

Critical Mass-holes

2008-06-28T15:33:00.002-05:00

There is a bicycle movement that started in San Francisco to spread awareness of bicycles on the road, alternative transportation, the need for more bike lanes, etc. While I always enjoyed watching the eclectic array of participants in this group pedaling down Castro or Market streets, I never thought they were doing any harm and had a good message.

The Austin Group However, are total fucking ass-holes.

Once again, People have taken a good message and are using it as an excuse to create havoc, violence, and push their own agendas. Yesterday I was held up at a stoplight by Austin's own Critical Mass ride. These miscreants beat on peoples cars, scream obscenities at motorists, and almost everyone of them gave us "the finger". Plus, they sat there in the intersection for three full light changes, at 6 o'clock, in the middle of Austin Friday Traffic. If that isn't cause for a violent reaction from people trying to get home or to Happy Hour, then I don't know what is.

I really honestly wanted to run them over. I'm all for peaceful protest of whatever it is that gets a bee in your bonnet. But these people were provoking and dangerous, never mind that they almost cause THREE accidents when they barreled through against the green light on one of the cities busiest throughfares. I tried to find out more about their organization here in Austin, but I could not find much information. The "official" Austin site even has a disclaimer for the web-master saying he will have no part of the Austin rides because the Austin group is to subversive.

All I could find was this blurb on a myspace page"

Critical Mass is a mass coincidental bunch of cyclists on the city streets. The point is to show everyone, commuters, pedestrians and residents that there is a better way to get around. We show people how much fun cycling can be, and how much safer and more pleasant it makes our streets.

We ride to show how much quieter, cleaner, and safer the streets of Austin would be without so many cars. We want to show that bicycling is a fun and healthy way to get around the city."

Apparently this member doesn't realize she is keeping people away from their families, people away from their jobs (I was late because of these ass-holes), people away from HAPPY HOUR for Christ's sake. What if I was a doctor rushing to the hospital for an emergency? Or what if I was a parent rushing home to take care of a sick kid? These idiots on two wheels have no concern but their own "agenda" to disrupt society and cause trouble. On their Austin website, they even taunt that the police will do nothing to them, and will take care of any motorist that will get in their way.

Well just for the record I hope someone bends all your spokes Ass-holes.

If you ever need to brighten your day...

2008-06-27T01:57:00.001-05:00

This guys is my new personal hero....and what sucks is he was JUST HERE in Austin TX on the 22nd and i didn't get to meet him. Check out his website at www.wherethehellismatt.com

Parody of "i Kissed a Girl"

2008-06-25T16:59:00.004-05:00

I don't care if it's a parody i love it! NSFW

San Francisco vs Austin

2008-06-25T16:26:00.004-05:00

SF: 64 degrees F

Austin: 104 degrees F

SF: Cuisine includes world renown restaurants; best sushi, seafood, and healthy food helping me lost 25lbs

Austin: Cuisine includes everything fried, queso smothered Mexican food, and b-b-q; causing me to gain 15 lbs

SF: When I'm bored and/or broke can walk to national monuments, internationally known tourist destinations, art museums, etc.

Austin: To Damn hot to walk anywhere and I'm to broke to afford $4.00 a gallon in gas to go anywhere so i stay inside my airconditioned apt and watch old "king of the hill reruns"

SF: Went on dates with: 2 investment bankers and a college professor

Austin: Went on dates with: 2 guys without a job or car and one who told me he works for the FBI, and the army, and a secret computer corporation and he has a long lost twin brother he mustfind in order to get the bone marrow transplant needed to cure his leukemia that is currently in remission - oh and all this has happened and he's only 25

SF: Spent every day with multiple friends exploring the wonders of Northern California, taking multiple trips to the wine country, weekend jaunts to Monterrey, Carmel, etc., dancing at fun clubs, or just sitting at a bar and watching the world literaly go by.

Austin: Haven't seen my "best friends" in 2 months, except for one who is just as bored as I am with life in this Hellishly Hot, over hyped, boring ass city with no culture; spending weekends alone in my house or going to the same 2 gay bars over and over again watching fake ass 20 somethings trying to be somebody or fake ass 40 somethings try to act like 20 somethings and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM wearing last season's A&F.

Can you tell what I'm getting at here?

Best Resignation Letter Ever

2008-06-12T17:49:00.002-05:00

I used to work at this company that was run by this very "direct" woman...this Alexis Carrington. She has an assistant that can be at time a total living C-U-N-T. Seriously, this girl was one of the most retched human beings I ever had to deal with. I have a good friend that still works there and he handles all of HR stuff for the office. He sent me this. I had to share. It is an email from a worker to this assistant.

Subject: What was I thinking?

What was I ever thinking coming to work for such a lame ass company? If i knew your snobby ass was going to go from my friend to bitchy boss I would have never came to work for you. That's alright though, because I will find a better job and I have more in my life that a dog like you. So you can take my job and shove it up your fat ass. I figured I'd let you know how I really felt you spic loving whore.

Your Friend,

I have nothing else to say. :)

The Lake

2008-06-12T14:29:00.003-05:00

Some people should be chained up in a basement...or another Chinese story

2008-06-11T14:49:00.003-05:00

Ok, so I recently flew on a airplane, and had an aisle seat. Stupid me didn't pick my seat ahead of time, so I got stuck with 19C, which was the aisle seat right in front of the bathroom at the end of the plane. So I'm already not happy. Anyway, right at the end of boarding this woman comes along and sits across the aisle from me. She's tall, thin, kind of plain (ok she's chinese and looks straight off the boat, but whatever) but about my age and looks like a normal person.

Maybe a normal person from some backwoods rice paddy.

She reaches in her purse and ...i swear to god...pulls out a roasted ear of corn on the cob and starts chowing down like its her last meal. Then, THEN she starts picking the shuck and hair off the damn thing and THROWS IT ON THE FLOOR IN THE AISLE.

OK - First, where do you even get an ear of corn in the airport? Or, do ya'll think she brought it from home in her purse? Did she think "hmm, i'm flying out this morning at 6am.. what should i take to eat on the plane? Oh I know,...CORN!"

So here she is muching away, corn flying everywhere, and throwing shit on the ground and I finally just have had it.

"OI!" I yell and startle her so bad she stop mid bite and looks at me wide eyed like a kid caught with the cookie jar. "Whu" she grunts at me. "Thats fucking gross, stop throwing your shit in the aisle." I tell her with all seriousness of someone who's about to shove her in the luggage compartment." "Ok" she grunts back.

So she starts throwing her strings and stuff on the OTHER side of here. Oh well I think, at least its not 7 inches away from me anymore and I lean back to my side and try to get some sleep.

But no, my friends, oh no.

She pulls out ANOTHER ear of corn out of her purse and starts going to town on that one! Smacking and spitting and chewing ....and then....

"SPLAT"

She was eating so fast and so hard, some of the kernals from her big juicy ear of corn shot across the aisle and

HIT

the

face.

Y'all...I don't even know what to say. But the look I gave her must have been pure death becuase she put the corn back in her purse unfinished and didn't move till we landed.

can it be.. a new post?

2008-06-05T16:42:00.003-05:00

Last night as I was watching the previews of the movie "I could never be your Woman" in a daze of painkillers and overdose of Reese Peanut Butter cups I found myself wondering aloud "Why don't I own this movie? I love Paul Rudd, Michelle Pfieffer, and Tracy Ulman play mother nature?" I also then wondered aloud "Who am I talking to?"

I need a kitty.

but before I go...

2007-12-06T16:27:00.000-06:00

If you, like I, survived the dot come boom and crash and are now waist deep in the new tech bubble you will love this...

ps...to all you Austinites - I'll be back on the 13th.

The Ham has Turned

2007-11-14T19:23:00.000-06:00

Not that you ever read this blog anymore, nor should you since I hardly ever post, but you all should pay close attention to this post.

So if you haven't heard by now, I AM leaving San Francisco. I miss my Blue Bell, my enchilades, my Whataburger. I miss my tan, my lake, and drinking beer in an inner tube floating down the river. I miss my 2 cases of champagne brunches, my bar-b-que ribs, and deer chili frito pie. So i'm embracing the 10,000 misquitoes, the 115 degree summers, and the evil god fearing baptists that will be there to greet me. I will love it when the seat belt gets so hot it turns into a branding iron. I will love sweat.

So, you should have figured out I'm moving back to Texas.

I have alwasy had a love/hate relationship with San Francisco. I do love it here, and I think within the next year I could have made a pretty good life here. But I'm needed at home, so I'm going.

Good bye MUNI, good bye quick jaunts to Sonoma, good bye Cav, and Hotel Biron. Good bye 500 club, good bye H&M, good bye Victoria Bakery.

I've learned a lot about myself here, and I'm taking that with me. So look out Texas, I'm on my way home.

xxoo

Kel

ps. I feel that with this change in my life, it's also time to end this blog. It's been a fun ride. Thanks for reading.
K

Melancholy

2007-09-27T17:18:00.000-05:00

The flowers you bought me started dying today, a bunch of petals surround the vase like wasted wishes.

5 days of teenage romance after 10 years of nothing; you said you would call when you got to vancouver - that was two days ago.

I miss the boy I fell in love with, but I pity the man he's become. And my heart didn't break when you left, but the spot I had reserved for you is bruised a little..

just like the brown leaves of the orange lilly on the floor.

Perfect San Francisco days..

2007-09-11T01:50:00.000-05:00

The past two days have been perfect San Francisco days. I met up with my friend Michael - Try not to panic on my blogroll - to celebrate his belated birthday. We made our way over to California and Van Ness where we caught the California Line Cable Car over to the Cable Car museum. It was cute and very interesting! Then we walked up through Chinatown and went to one of my favorite restauraunts Illuna Basque for small plates and wine. Then we dropped by the Victoria Bakery on Vallejo and bought some Italian cookies, and headed on to Coit Tower to watch the sunset over the Golden Gate Bridge. We finally made our way down to the Embarcadero and took the F-Line Street Car Home (it was the 1960 SF One ). A full day of walking in this gorgeous city.

Today I had a lunch date with myself. I wandered around the Castro and finally decided I didn't want any of the things around here for lunch. So I headed downtown to Chinatown, but just wasn't in the mood for Dim Sum, even though I love it. I settled for a Croque Madame at Cafe de la Presse and sat in the sun on the sidewalk of this charming cafe at Grant and Bush and watched all the tourists go by. It's a great spot for people watching as it is directly across the street from the Chinatown Gates. Also, Teuscher chocolates is a block away so I treated myself to some dark chocolate carmels for dessert.

Also, after much much resistance, I am finally for the first time reading Armistead Maupin's Tales of the City series. I never thought I would love these books as much as I do. He really is a fantastic writer, and there is just something about reading about wandering through North Beach or Russian Hill while you are actually wandering around in North Beach or Russian Hill. Listen to this great line:

"His name is Boris" said Anna
"You don't let him in?" (Edgar)
"He doesn't belong to me."
"ah..then it doesn't count."
"I love him." she said flatly. "That counts, doesn't it?"

How true.

xxoo

Sorry I've been away..

2007-09-11T01:49:00.001-05:00

You wouldn't believe how hard it is to get rid of crabs nowadays!!!

Kel. E. Licious... Super Genius

2007-08-18T16:32:00.000-05:00

You know what happens when you mix Palapa Mexican Chocolate ice cream with Palapa Carmel ice cream?

You get orgasms of Cinnamon-choclately-carmely decadence.

Yes, I am a genius.

Curve Ball

2007-08-16T04:22:00.000-05:00

So I've had a pretty happy few weeks. Saw Avenue Q. Hung out with two members of the Scissor Sisters (HB AM). Went on a FABULOUS wine tour. Ended up dancing all night with three kick ass drag queens and the hottest go-go bo in The Castro. etc. etc...

And then, my ex popped into my head. And then I had a moment - (follow me here.) I realized that I view my life as a Hollywood film - a blockbuster romantic comedy if you will; and this is the part where I (the lead) has cried, and moved away for a break and a new discovery of myself and has finally realized that I was a fool before and am now ready for love and am looking thoughtfully into the sunset with fond rememberences of my hero.... This folks.....

IS WHERE HE IS SUPPOSED TO SHOW UP AND STEAL MY HEART BACK.

(how's that for being subtle.)

come on already.

Laundry Wars

2007-08-07T15:32:00.000-05:00

So i'm lucky enough that my building has on-site laundry - which is kind of a big deal in the castro. We also have new fangled front loading washer that are energy effecient -8 of them in fact.

Unfortunetly we only have 6 dryers.

What this means is if all 8 washers are going at the same time for their 35 min cycle, 2 people are going to miss out on a dryer - which has a 60 min cycle.

It can just throw off one's entire afternoon! I actually missed a movie one night becuase I had to wait an extra hour just to dry my clothes. And, we all know that I am not a patient person when it comes to stuff like this.

Now, front loading energy efficent washers have a locking mechanism on the door, so once the cycle is about 3 min in, you can't open the washer. So, I have discovered a trick, that only works if you and one of your neighbors (competitors) start your laudnry at the same time. If one were to be evil enough to wait about 2 min and 45 sec then OPEN the neighbor's (competition's) washer for say...about 5 min and then restart it, that would give one enough of an edge to insure dryer space and not screw up ones evening plans.

See what living in the city has taught me. Now, I have to run, I have clothes to put in the dryer.

xo and downey fresh.
kel

Caught in the Crossfire

2007-07-29T16:26:00.000-05:00

If you live in the Bay Area you may have heard about this, but for those of you who don't - this is what went down.

Last Monday the restaurant I work at got hit in a drive by gang shooting. Fortunately, no one except the intended victim was hit, but a few of our customers sustained minor injuries from glass and of course everyone, staff and customers alike, got the piss scared out of them. The man the shooter targeted was a suspected drug dealer and was in a car parked outside of the restaurant, unfortunately he was parked in front of a wall of windows that face into our bar area.

Now, I wasn't there - thank God - but this incident horribly upset me. What upsets me the most isn't the violence itself; i know this was a one time thing, and the restaurant itself wasn't the target, just the "bad guy" outside. What upsets me is that I feel that the Police Department in this city isn't on top of their game. So much happens in this city and nothing is ever done about it. Most notably, the Yale students that were attacked here and received National attention - their attackers were caught but never punished. But the things that don't make the news is what bothers me. Two men stabbed on 19th and Sanchez (in the heart of the Castro) and a string of muggings and robberies around 16th and Castro a few months ago. I personally don't feel like the police in this city have enough presence, or even care about the "minor" crime that goes on around here.

Makes me miss Texas where we all get to carry guns, not just the bad guys.

Off Like a Prom Dress

2007-07-13T14:11:00.001-05:00

So i'm packed, plucked, and ready for my next adventure. I'm leaving for 7 days, so you probably will not hear from me for a week.

I'll be here .

See you in a week.

xxoo

Never walk through the TL without an umbrella

2007-07-13T14:02:00.000-05:00

Dear Readers:

Many of you have visited our lovely city and know about the charming neighborhood - the Tenderloin. For those of you that are not familar with this gem of the city, I will give you a brief rundown.

The "TL" is located in the heart of the city, prime real estate really. Unfortunetly it is populated by mostly black crackheads wandering around in a daze and begging/hustling for money all the time. Now, this is not a homeless population, becuase the TL mostly consists of "flophouses" or "residence hotels" where these people can live 5 or 6 story's above the street.

This is where needing an umbrella comes in.

As I was walking down on of the main streets in this hood, keeping a watchful eye of the going ons around me... i heard a loud SPLAT next to me and I have to admit I was very startled and luckily jumped very quickly into the street.

Someone was vomiting from the 4th floor of the building above me.

Gotta love that local charm.

xo

Guess Where I am?

2007-07-06T10:08:00.000-05:00

I"m here.

Hi

2007-06-25T16:08:00.000-05:00

Hey there interenet - its' been a while. How are you? Thanks, you look good too.

I know I haven't written in a while - access is well, hard to come by right now. I know that's not a great excuse, but it is what it is.

What have I been up to? Well, lets see. Gay pride was this weekend. There were a lot of people in town, different groups of friends that I know. I tried to spend as much time as possible with each of them. I got to see my blogger friends, some of which I haven't seen in a whole year, and I got to meet some new peeps and really enjoyed making some new friends. Dannation organized and off the hook party which was really fun.

Yes, well, i guess that is where i have been spending my time since I havne't been with you.

I also got a mini promotion at work. I'm promoting the resturaunt I work at to all the different hotels in our area. I'ts fun and I like the marketing aspect of my job. I'm also up for a manager position at one of our sister resturaunts, so we will see if that works out.

Oh, that's sweet. I'd like to get toghether again soon too; but July isn't going to allow me much opportunity. I'm going to be in a wedding July 4th-9th in Texas, and them I'm going to St. Martin the 13th through the 20th so I'll be laying on a beach all week. It does sound exciting doesn't it! Yes, well, maybe when I get back we can spend some more time together.

Look, I just want to be honest here. It's been a while and, well, I've been spending my time with another form of mass communication. I do miss you though, and I'd like to go back to being friends and hanging out; but internet, you have to know our relationship is going to be different now. I've grown some, and you have too, and we just don't have the same connection that we used too.

So, have a great day. Great talking to you. I'll see you again soon.

xo

Kel

I need MAC Help

2007-05-01T13:41:00.000-05:00

I have a Mac Powerbook Pismo Laptop (g3?) Anyway, everytime I do a security update it gets screwy.

This latest glitch is driving me crazy though.

Everytime my laptop goes to sleep, when I bring it back up my Airport card refuses to come back online. I have to restart the whole damn computer to get it back up. Any ideas? Anyone? Bueller?

Quotes from the past week (in bed) ...

2007-05-01T03:32:00.000-05:00

"Wow, you're a much better kisser than my boyfriend."

"Cool, you're from Texas, my Dad is in prison there."

"Wow. I've never felt such a connection with a guy, you're so real. (2 min later) What's your name again?"

"Can I borrow $20 for the cab ride home?" (me) "But, you drove over here." (him, grinning?) "Oh yeah. Can I still have the $20?"

and my favorite...

"Do you mind if my dealer stops by? He lives near by and I need to connect with him."

and you wonder why I just smile when anyone asks why I'm still single.

Bad Idea #4376

2007-04-30T03:05:00.000-05:00

Late Night Munchies: Never eat new Jalapeno Cheddar Cheetos and then take your contacts out....

(it burns Gabriel, it burns!)

What the hell has been going on..

2007-04-22T06:50:00.000-05:00

Well 1st i'm in my new digs. I moved in a week ago, and many many many thanks my friends who showed up to help me move. We manged to knock it out in less that two hours and it was probably the easiest move I've ever made.

Ah..and those friends who bailed on me for COCKtails and other reasons... the San Francisco Chapter of the Southern Bells Junior League membership committee will just keep that in mind.

I love my new place. It's QUIET. Seriously, I can just lay here and listen to silence -which I honestly haven't heard in over a year. San Francisco is a noisy city, what with the firetrucks/buses/garbage trucks/streetcars/hornhonkers/ghetto rides/drunk ass lesbians going by every minute of the day. My bedroom faces an interior courtyard and the only thing i've head so far is the very LOUD asian boy who walks his ugly ugly dog and inists on making as much noise as possible as he walks through the courtyard.

Trust - that dog's days are numbered.

So i'm getting settled, i'm getting unpacked, and i'm realizing that I really don't own a lot of things that i've become accustomed to having around. Microwaves are basically essientials now, and I had to remember how to re-heat food on the stove! Iron, Irons are good for looking cute and not like you just spent the last 6 months wadded up at the bottom of the closet. Oh yeah, and brooms, brooms are good when you spill the very smallest amount of sugar in your kitchen and BOOM it multiplies at the speed of a virus and all of a sudden your whole floor is gritty.

Oh, and Jimmi - I don't own a digital camera otherwise i'd send you pictures.

So all in all, moving was great, i like it here, my new roommate is ...quiet if not a little insular - which is ok as our schedules are totally opposite.

Speaking of, I got a promotion of sorts at my job. A few more hours, a little more money and a lot more fun. I am working at a resturaunt right now, and have been really really putting off finding a full time office job becauses well..they suck. As of Monday though, I will be in charge of our concierge program, which basically entails me running around the city to all the concierges in town and promoting our resturaunt to them. I also get to come up with contests, prizes, promotions etc...bascially a PR postition and I have total control over it.

I can't wait!

So before you even ask, no love life still. No one on the horizon and i'm ok with that. I did just get my hair cut into a feaux-hawk and it's pretty punk rock but cute so maybe i'll attract the attention of some hot emo tatoo punk rock boy with a heart of gold and trust fund now.

Who can say?

The last bit of news that I have is that I have a new FAVORITE BLOG! Everyone check out I live with Morons . This is the most brilliant blog I have seen in a long time. Hint, start at the very beginning and work your way forward. It brightens my day every day.

xo

kel

Moving Day

2007-04-13T17:00:00.000-05:00

Moving Day is Almost Here...

So Many of you are curious as to why I am moving... well it's easy.

My roommates asked me to leave.

Now, it's acutally not all that dramatic and harsh. There are 4 of us that share a victorian here in The City. It's drafty, cold, crowded and has one bathroom. Oh, and the landlord is a prissy dickhead. I've never really felt "at home" here, but wanted the San Francisco experience of moving to the heart of the The City and living in a crowded, old, cold, victorian with a bunch of people that I don't know.

ok, CHECK. Done it, time to move on.

So about 2 weeks ago my roommates that are the primary leaseholders asked me if I would move out by the end of may. Seems some other friends of theirs are moving to San Francisco and they all want to live together. Of course I freaked out, finding an affordable place to live in my neighborhood is damn near impossible and very stressful. But I got lucky. The 1st place I found was a 2 bedroom/2 BATHROOMS modern apt just a few blocks away. The guy that has it is very cool, from Texas as well, and we hit it off right away. Did you catch that I get my own bathroom? (happy dance). Oh, and it's WARM. No more feeling the wind blow through the walls.

So it's all working out, I'm going to try to move on Sunday - if UHAUL comes through and I can con some friends into helping me carry a few boxes. I'm excited, my new roommates is excited and I think I'll finally feel like I really live here instead of just on an extended vacation.

OK kids, I have to go secure some boxes, and if you are free on Sunday, let me know..I'll put you to work and order a pizza.

xo

Kel

Another Heartwarming tale of the City

2007-04-12T16:05:00.000-05:00

Me (glowingly): "Good Morning Sunshine."
Him (with look of confusion): "Who the Fuck are you???"

From the TL to Pac Heights, men are all the same.

Enjoy the Silence?

2007-03-28T16:54:00.000-05:00

Sorry about the unexplained abscence. My internet was down for a while - the router died and we had to wait for a new one. Also, there has be A LOT going on since I got back from my fabulous birthday trip to Austin.

so a quick run down:

I've been job hunting - but no one has called me back.
I've been asking boys out - but no one has called me back.
but then
all the boys called me back - at once! so i've got like 4 guys that want to go out with me now and only a limited set of evenings to spare. What's the saying? Feast or Famine?

I have to move - the least most wonderful thing in the world. I think I have found a new apt just down the street from me, and the guy who I would live with seems nice...we'll see. Now I get to go through the whole application process and plunk down a HUGE chunk of change and just hope and pray I make the right choice here.

Ok, so that should get your interest up...i have to run...i'll tell you all about it tomorrow.

xo

kel

HB V 2.1

2007-03-09T10:54:00.000-06:00

http://eyeque.blogspot.com/2007/03/cost-of-fame.html#links Check out how I parited like it was 1999

HB V2.0

2007-03-08T19:32:00.000-06:00

So, I'ts my birthday. Yay! I'm in Austin, staying at my friend's fabulous new house. I'm on my way to eat some mescan food and recover from all the champagne and other cocktails I drank last night.

It's nice here, the weather is gorgeous. I can't wait to see my Austin friends. (I can't wait to see all my blogger friends too, but we'll have to schedule that.)

Hopefully I'll get some good photo ops and have some fun stories to tell. I'll keep y'all up dated.

xo

Kel

Conversation at Borders Books today..

2007-03-07T19:22:00.000-06:00

while doing some birthday shopping:

Clerk: "May I see your I.D. Mr. Voelkel, it says "see id" on the back of your card.

Me: "Yes of course. You know, I've been shopping all day and your the first person to ask to see my I.D. Thank you."

Clerk: "Well, we tend to read in this store."

...

Touche' Borders Clerk, Touche'.

Are you there God?

2007-03-05T06:05:00.000-06:00

It's me, Margaret....Foster...the old lush.

(Readers: Give yourself 10 points if you get the references.)

Anyway, one year ago today I was down on the floor of apartment packing up memories, preparing for a new beginning and a new journey that I prayed you would make happen; and it did.

Thanks for that.

So today I am again praying and packing. I'm preparing for a visit home, with a few less pounds and a lot more wisdom under my belt - once again, thanks for that.

Oh yeah, and I'm going to be another year older on Thursday.

This past year has been a wild ride, full of challenges and lessons learned and great expierences. So now, God, if you have a moment, I could once again use some guidance.

Bascially, i'd love it if you could just help me with a question I've had for a while.

What the hell am I supposed to be doing with my life?

Thanks!

xo

Kel

a few local celebrities

2007-03-02T06:25:00.000-06:00

From Martini Night at the uber swank Supperclub the other night.

The cutest couple in the room, Nick Natoma and Jake

New Hottie on the Scene who I hope comes around more often

and then the Man behind the party and I drinking a fabulous blackberry martini.

It's great to be A-list.

xo

kel

Bloggers Block

2007-02-27T06:07:00.000-06:00

A: As much as a lot of things have happend in the past week, nothing seems like it is interesting enough to blog about... so here are a few tidbits.

1. ASIASF isn't worth the money.
2. Light Before Day by Christopher Rice is a fun read, its a gay/gumshoe novel very fun to read if you live in california.
3. I want to see Notes on a Scandel but I'm afraid I won't like Judy Dench as much after I see it becuase her character is so evil.
4. I'm really mad at a few friends of mine, but it's over something sooo petty I feel like I'm back in Jr. High- except I wasn't even this petty in Jr. High. I'm being Pretty Petty Pets-a-lot right now AND I'm having a pity party, and I like it so there.
5. All the boys that were around last week have suddenly dissappeard, it's amazing how fast that well can run dry. But, then again, I'm from Texas, and we know that when one well runs dry, just dig another.
6. Speaking of Texas, I'll be there next week. Dear God, I'm putting in an order for sunshine and weather warm enough to wear shorts, thanks.
and finally..
#7. My Birthday is March 8th, everyone, you have now been notified.

xo

kel

The N-Judah and Me

2007-02-18T06:05:00.000-06:00

So way back when I lived in Texas and I had this crazy idea that I might acutally think about moving to San Francisco, I actually did some research on the subject. Now, the first thing I did was to look up blogs on daily life in San Francisco. Many of you know thats how I actually first found Chox which led me to blogging and moving and meeting a whole lot of other cool people.

But this is a different story.

In my cyberspace travels and readings.. I came across this arcticle about the N-Judah line of the MUNI transportation system. So go read that musing before you go any further in this post..

go ahead, I'll wait.

And we're back..

So yes it made me giggle too.

Now, I live pretty darn close to the N-judah line, close enough for me to take it almost on a daily basis. I also live near Castro, which isn't far from the said tunnel mentioned in said story. Now, the entrance to that tunnel is only about 4 blocks away from me,..but the other side of that tunnel is a whole nuther world! You see, there is this BIG HUGE Hill right outside my door and I don't venture to the other side of that hill. "Over there" is another part of San Francisco that I don't even know about, and while I hear its pretty cool...I'm still getting my bearings on this side of the hill thank you very much.

But..circumstances last week took me to take the N-Judah through the dark scary tunnel under the BIG HILL to "over there" and it is a pretty cool part of town.

But the best part.. I was standing right at that curve, right in the red zone where the cars park and I remembered that story and how funny I thought it was...and here I am over a year after reading it and 1700 miles later...stading in that red zone.

Just made me smile.

xo

Kel

An up date on Valentine's Day

2007-02-15T06:59:00.000-06:00

You know, all these years I've been a little jealous of guys and gals who get presents on Valentines's Day. I've alwasy been a little envious of those who get their bears/balloons/chocolates/mix tapes/light up flowers etc..

You can all keep them.

The best gift of all is for someone to show up unexpectedly and say "Hey. I was having a rotten day, but then I thought of you; and, I figured if I could just be with you right now, everything would be ok...and it is."

You have to love a guy who can be that honest.

wow.

yeah, it's like that...I hope it stays that way.

xo (and warm fuzzies)

Kel

ps.. t-shirt image take from http://www.spreadshirt.com/

The #24 or the bus of shame

2007-02-14T14:23:00.001-06:00

How many of you know what "the walk of shame" is? That's where you show up at your house/apartment/condo project at some early hour of the morning after the sun has come up looking like something the cat drug in - hair a mess, still wearing last night's clothes, all wrinkeld and let's not even start on your morning breath.

The only thing worse than the walk of shame? The waiting at the bus stop of shame, then the bus ride of shame (with all those morning commuters) AND THEN the walk of shame into your house where all your roommates are up bright and early wondering why you are just NOW getting home from the bar.

Happy Valentine's Day all. Mine is off to a randy start.

So does it count as a date...

2007-02-12T05:45:00.000-06:00

if pornstars attend dinner with you?

So Mr. Man calls me today in a tizzy. Seems that he double booked this evening - promising a dinner date with me AND a dinner party with 4 of his friends. Now, if you know me well, and those you of that do can attest to this, I am not usually akin to taking news at this "lightly". I may have a history of being a tad bit "high maintenance" when it comes to canceling dates and changing dinner plans and such. However, he caught me at a good time (aka just up from a nap) and he skillfully and quickly invited me to the dinner party so I refrained from throwing a big ol hissy fit and burning down his condo.

Actually, what happened is he explained to me that he had promised 4 of his friends an amazing lasagne dinner set for this evening - except that, he has never made lasagne before and didn't have the 1st idea of what went into one. What was he gonna do?!

Now, dear readers, conventional wisdom says that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach ("with a field knife" - peanut gallery) and I just happen to posses a fabulous lasagne recipe which is not only QUICK but also EASY and very very very TASTY (thank you Alyssa K-M; this recipe has come in handy more than once!) So I of course immediately volunteered to make this said lasagne thus presenting the opportunity to: A - come to his rescue, B - show off my culinary and entertaining skills, and C: Meet his friends and wow them with said skills as well.

And all this intrigue whipped up within seconds of being roused from a very deep slumber- you should all be impressed because I am!

So I "wonder womaned" myself ready and headed over to his casa.

The evening went great. Everyone loved my food. His friends were very nice. There was only one damper to the evening -

it is very hard to try to get a gay man's attention when there are two, hot, sexy male pornstars in the same room as you.

I mean come on! Really? Is that even fair?

So I did what any good southern bell would do - I ignored him completely and flirted with both of them all night long.

:)

and you know what...it may have just worked.

I'll update you all on that later.

Until then, if you are single, remember to keep a few handy recipes up your sleeve because you never know when you may need a few tricks to catch your man.

And if you are married? You best be keeping your man all kinds of satisfied because some of are not only tigers in the bedroom, but in the kitchen as well!

SNAP

xo

kel

Silly Boys

2007-02-10T06:35:00.000-06:00

What is the point of driving up to the top of Twin Peaks to look at the view and sit in the car for an hour and not even make out!!!????

I swear...some boys just don't know the rules.

We have another date on Sunday.

xo

Kel

Hollywood Swingers

2007-02-08T18:37:00.000-06:00

So LA was a blast. Thanks in part to fabulous people like Gordon who is my new favorite superstar.

Gordon, you rock.

Oh, the shopping at Kitson, star-watching at the Ivy, Star fucking on Santa Monica (what!?) the Abbey, Mickey's, those deadly Pear vodka cosomos - and my new kicky Hat..which you will see all over San Francisco now, and the stippers..making out with hot muscley west hollywood strippers.

Tee-hee...should've been there.

So all in all a good trip; though the drive back through California's Central Valley was akin to a scene from The Grapes of Wrath. Yuck.

So now I'm back in beatiful, cold, rainy, foggy San Francisco and I couldn't have a care in the world.

Ok boyz and girls, I'm off to get ready for my DATE. Yes, a DATE. A real bonafied, we have reservations, he is picking me up like a gentleman going out to dinner - date.

sigh

Just to leave you with a tickle, I told the elderly gay man that comes to dinner every night in our resturaunt. "I have a date tonight!", I said, "Really?", he replied, "I had a raisin at breakfast."

Ta dam dum.

xo

Kel

Off to LA LA Land

2007-02-03T14:04:00.000-06:00

So Dan and I are taking a road trip to L.A. Today. I'm excited, since I haven't been is New Years Day 2000, when everyone was scared of Y2K so no one flew- I got a round trip 1st class ticket for $95.00 then. Of course, I was so broke that all I saw then was the chinese theater and Rodeo Drive.

This trip however, will be more about relaxation. We are staying somewhere fabulous and fun I understand, and I'll get to see my fav cousin BeBe and meet her new Beau. Basically I just want to have fun..

oh yeah, and stalk McSteamy (Eric Dane from Grey's Anatomy)

ROWRRR...

xo

Kel

Take that you Pretencious Bitch Or Karma comes around

2007-01-30T14:55:00.000-06:00

So I was out and about the other night and this younger, very cute guy was standing next to me. I tried to talk to him, and he TOTALLY blew me off, and not in a very nice way either.

Ok, Whatever, I'm over it. Bitch.

So an hour later I go outside for some air, and there he is again.

Drunk off his ass....hitting on a homeless guy. A NASTY One at that. Full on, hands down his raggedy pants, trying to kiss a cracked out smelly homeless guy.

(tee-hee)

I walked over and said "Hey, are you ok?" "Go away," he spat at me "I'm with my new boyfriend."

All I know is I'm sure his little gucci shirt smelled bad in the morning.

sigh :)

525,600 minutes

2007-01-25T13:30:00.000-06:00

Happy Blog-aversary to ME!! YAY!

So if I was technology clever, I would have music and a slide show and elephants dancing before your very eyes (in tutus even) - but I'm not so just use your imagination. (I couldn't even figure out how hook up the new cable box to the TV, or use the new remote, thank God for techie roommates.)

People always ask "Why do you blog?". "Becuase I can." is the most common answer. But now, a year later, I'm going to let you in on a secret....

I started blogging so I could join in.

Way back in 2005 (wow) I was thinking, just had an idea mind you, that I would move away from Austin. I thought, maybe, just maybe San Francisco. Of course my main priority in moving would be "How would my social life be in a new city?" I Googled ( I love that this is a verb now!) something like "gay life in San Francisco" and low and behold...

Chad Fox popped up.

So I read Chad's blog, all of it, and thought "Wow, this guy is pretty funny."

Acutally I was laughing my ass off. Shu-shu still makes me giggle.

So I hopped around his blog roll and soon came across some other guys all commenting funny things on each others blogs and making fun of each other and I really really wanted to play too.

So I joined blogger, wrote a little ditty and here I am.

As Chad likes to say "Kel, you just jumped in a busted your way through."

I tend to do that you know.

So I blog, and I just read my years worth of blogging. A lot has happend, quite a bit. I've worked for two coporations, moved across the coutnry, made new friends, dropped friends and made more new friends; and, I've traveled more this year than I ever have in my life (thanks Case & Jason!!!)

I've grown some too; I realize that in re-reading my entries. In reading them, I realized where I was that day - both physically and in my head. It is nice to get a reflectoin of "Oh yeah, I was having a bad day that day." or "Haha, I forgot to elaborate on that." I hope if you read my enteries you get a laugh, or at least a giggle. Some enteries are meant to make you think, as well as reflect on your on being as I usually do when I write them. I will say now,I realize I leave a lot out and just assume you know what's going on in my head; other times I do embellish my stories - but I'm a writer from Texas, what more do you want?

And yes Pookie, there ARE alot of grammer and spelling mistakes, aren't there.

So thanks for tuning in. Becuase if you didn't read and comment, email or even just shake your head; this wouldn't be a blog, it would just be crap on a computer.

So back to blogging:

My frist conversation of the day:

"Oh my God! I just ran into so-and-so from Texas! I haven't seen him in so long!!"

"Really? Does he still have Gonnereah?"

Lord.

xo

Kel

Job Hunting

2007-01-22T18:21:00.000-06:00

While on my job hunt through the internet I came across this today...I of course applied for it..

CASTING ASSISTANT

Duties include male model reviews, helping with casting decisions, data entry, assist with incoming calls and emails, setting appointments, interviewing potential models, etc.

Must be extremely organized, motivated, friendly, personable, reliable.

Please be absolutely comfortable with being around nudity. Please be absolutely comfortable with all aspects of male sexuality.

You don't have to be gay, but the company is.

Send brief self-description, references and contact information.

What's that saying...all good things come to those who wait?

ps... i saw this on Post Secret and it made me giggle and sink back down into the covers..

did you ever..

2007-01-20T12:17:00.000-06:00

have such bad morning breath that it woke you up? Whatever was I doing last night!

Damn you Grey's Anatomy

2007-01-19T05:07:00.000-06:00

So, if you are a fan of Grey's Anatomy, you know that tonight was a very emotional episdoe. And, if you don't watch the show, then you should know that a very key character lost a close family member tonight. So if you are fan, and didn't see tonight's episode, then continue reading at your own risk....

Tonight on Grey's anatomy, George lost his father. His father lost a battle with cancer and died in a coma. It was a very well written episode,and I'm sure that everone that watched it had tears in their eyes.

I however, bawled my eyes out.

Seriously,I cried so hard I soaked my pillow.

On December 15th, 2005, my paternal Grandmother died. She sufferd a stroke, and was helicoptered to Seaton Hosiptal in Austin, Texas in hopes that a surgery might save her. I was the first family member to arrive at the hospital, I was baking Christams cookies when I got the phone call. When she finally arrived at Seaton, the surgeons told me and my Aunt that there was no hope, she was in a coma, and life support was keeping her body alive. We made the decision to take her off life support and was told she would "pass on" once the machines stopped keeping her alive.

It took 12 hours.

Twelve hours of holding her hand. Twelve hours of prayer, twelve hours of talking to her, singing Christmas caroles and hymns to her. Twelve hours of praying the rosary and bargining with God. Her spirit was gone, but when her body did finally die I was there. I was the most horrific thing I have ever witnessed, watching a loved one's body die. I hope none of you ever have to go through it.

Tonight, finally, after one year and 19 days, I finally mourned her loss.

My Grandmother was one of the most loving women God ever put on this Earth. She taught me how to cook, and food was how she expressed her love. She accepted me wholeheartedly for who I am, she only wanted me to ever be happy. She truly loved me for who I am. I loved her dearly and I wish she could know how much she taught me in life.

It's silly, that a television drama/comedy on a Thursday night made me finally open up and cry my heart out for her.

It's a lesson, appreciate those that you love, for you never know when they may may be gone.

xo

Kel

Pardon me while I pull up out of this Funk.

2007-01-17T12:19:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I slept until 4 o'clock. Yes, that's right, I didn't get up until 4pm. I didn't even get out of bed until 5pm! One of my roomates told me "You're so lucky, I want to spend all day in bed." You, dear reader, may feel the same way.

You know what, you really really don't want to.

For the past month (or two) I've been really down. I don't know if it's the weather (San Francisco has been unseasonably cold and I don't do well in the cold.) or the lack of having a real job (no offense to all you career waiters and resturaunt workers out there) where I have to get up and be accountable every day; or it could just be that after years of stress from work and family and relationships and moving across country I just needed a break.

I'm not sure, but for the past three weeks all I've done is sleep, work 4-6 hours at the resturaunt, hang out with friends, and go back to bed at like 5 am.

I know it sounds like the good life, but it really is a vicious cycle. I haven't talked to or seen hardly any of my friends becuase they are all on normal schedules. I haven't done hardly any laundry, nor have I done any real job hunting. Nor have I blogged, read blogs, written anything worthwhile, or acutally done anything.

That my friends, will put you even further down into a funk.

So today that all changes, it's 10:30 am. I am up. I have read blogs, I am writing this post. I have already done more today that I have done in 2 weeks. I will send out at least one resume today. I will clean at least one corner of my room. I may even go run an errand.

Best to start slow I think.

xo
Kel

brilliant..

2007-01-16T18:49:00.000-06:00

Found at Towleroad's Guide to the Tube

over heard on the streets of san francisco

2007-01-11T15:58:00.000-06:00

"Honey! You don't want to fuck with me. I'm like James Brown - I may not know Karate but I know Ka-razy!!!"

Happy Birthday Dan & here's to knowing you all..

2007-01-04T04:52:00.000-06:00

So tonight I celebrated another year in the life of my very very good friend Dan Nation who turned 41 today. We got drunk and sang kareoke with several of our good friends. It was a blast.

If you haven't seen it, go over to Dan's New Location on the web and check out his latest video cast, which is a touching montage of pictures of the past year, of which I am in several. In fact, we've spent so much time together its almost a year in review for me as well.

You know Dan, it's cheesy, it's sappy, and it made me cry. Thank you for putting that together. It made me realize how much fun I've had and how many friends and good people I've met in this past year. I am truly blessed.

Jeez-Louise - in your 1st comment in a long long long time, you really hit the nail on the head. I took a giant risk and step in moving to San Francisco, and no things haven't gone according to plan...but then, isn't that when things in life turn out to be the most interesting...when you get off the interstate and have to take the side roads.

I have to tell you all, i'm loving my life here. It HAS been a rough road, but looking back, I wouldn't have it any other way. I have some of the most incrediable people in my life; not just in San Francisco, but all over the world.

Michael, Dan, Nick, Jake, Chox, Waffles and JR - I wouldn't have made it through this transition without you. You are the best friends and the best group of guys anyone could ever hope for. I know sometimes it might seem that I take you for granted, but I don't. I love every moment that we spend together. I can't imagine not having you in my life.

Casey, Jason, Regina, Cyn & Cary - I miss you guys and gals so much. Thank you so much for still being my friends even though we are 1700 miles apart. Every time I hear from you it fills me with happiness to the point I want to burst. It's 100 times more intense when I actually get to see you. Forever you will have my love and friendship. I cannot tell you how much you mean to me, but then I think you each know it.

Jeez, Brenna, Alyssa, and RUTH (yes, you have been ratted out). You are more than friends and you are more that just family; you are a part of me in ways that I cannot decribe. I love you and am so lucky to have you on my bent and twisted family tree; we are all nuts on the same branch. I love you so much and promise to spend more time with you in 2007.

Doc, you are your family and just like family to me. I cannot tell you how much I miss you all. Come see me! Of course..if Mohammed won't come to the mountain as the saying goes...

Tony, Persian, Jimmy, Jeff....how can you even explain being friends with someone from across the country. All I know is you have made this crazy world much more interesting. I'm looking forward to many more good times.

Atari...you are a world unto yourself. I hope you more here immediatly. I want you in my life everyday. You make me glow when you're around.

Julie & Colin. I have no idea if you read this, but if you do, I want you to know I think about you all the time.

Daigle and Fallon...will you come home already?? I miss you so much.

To everyone else, thanks for tuning in. I know I haven't written much lately. I've been in a funk. A big one. It's hard to write when you feel like you have nothing to share. But then, I look back on this year and I realize how much we've all shared together.

Thank you all for sharing your lives with me. My cup overflows.

Much Love.

xo

Kel

Happy New Year

2006-12-31T17:00:00.000-06:00

New Year's Eve is absolutly my favorite Holiday. The Possiblities of a fresh start, celebrating all that you have accomplished or overcome in the last year, remembering friends and family that are gone and living in the moment with those you have in your live now.

Happy New Year everyone, I hope 2007 brings you inspiration to accomplish your dreams.

xo

Kel

Merry Christmas from The Family

2006-12-25T19:47:00.000-06:00

If I was clever enough to post an audio clip I'd just put in Robert Earl Keen's "Merry Christmas from the Family." But since i'm not...go to iTunes and download it and think about me.

Well it's almost over. Tomorrow I brave the craziness of traveling the day AFTER Christmas. I'm getting to the airport 2 hours early, I hope that will be enough time.I cannot even imagine what security lines will be like, everyone wish me good-luck. Oh, and Dr. Joel , Thank you Thank you Thank you for picking me up from San Jose!!

So today I had to tell my Dad good-bye, I have to say I cried. I love my parents, they drive me crazy and I make fun of my family, but I do love them and it's hard to leave them and live so far away. Then of course there are the cousins that I love to see, but never get to spend enough time with. You know who you are, and hey, thanks for taking the time to meet for lunch. Wish I could spend more time with y'all on this trip - but, that's why there are airplanes.

Incidentally I just saw Night at the Museum. V Cute, not Oscar winning, but a good cute family movie. Can't belive Mickey Rooney is sitll alive! Oh, and Steve Coogan you are totally hot as Octavius...rowrr..

Ok, i'm off to pack, spend one last night on an air mattress (yeah, thanks for that) and then it's back to reality. Funny, San Francisco used to be my escape from reality - not it is my reality.

I'm glad of that.

Props and Peace out to my Homies back in the Hood - especially those on Natoma and Down by the Cal-Train.

see you soon.....

and Happy Holidays.

xo

Kel

I love 'em but they are driving me crazy

2006-12-23T16:39:00.000-06:00

Yes California is a little strange.

Yes, I do like it there.

No, I'm not ready to move back.

Yes I like living out there.

No, I'm not ready to move back.

Yes it is hilly isn't it. Yes it is cold and rainy like this there too.

No, I'm not moving back and I know my Mom told you that I was.

Oh really, you opened your own Christian AM radio station? Wonderful, No I wouldn't like to move back and work there.

No, I really didn't agree with Bill O'Reily on that. No I haven't read his book either.

No I'm not going to Mass tonight. No, I'm not going tomorrow either. Really, No. No. Seriously, No. Please stop asking me that...No. (Internal dialouge, Yes Michael, Jesus IS Magic.)

Yes, I'm lucky that I made really good friends out here. No, I didn't meet them at church. Yes, they will miss me when I move back - but I'm not moving back anytime soon.

No I don't hate Texas..No, I didn't say that. No I don't hate coming home, I like coming home. No, I didn't say that. I said I don't like the politics here. No, no no no no no no no no no...

YES! I'll have a glass of wine!!! Sure why not another!?

Three more days........

We've all been there

2006-12-22T01:03:00.000-06:00

ok...funniest video ever...no really check it out here at the bottom of the post.

yeah, i've been there..except I was in the middle of a street. Thank God no video camera's were around for that, but it did win me a very interesting craigslist ad the next day.

Wish I was there with you guys.

xo

Wrong side of the bed?

2006-12-21T22:36:00.000-06:00

I was originally going to write a very complain-ey post today. I mean when you wake up and the 1st thing you do is stick toothpaste in your eye - you know its going to be a bad day.

I had the flight from HELL last night from LAX to Austin. Really, moms & dads, it's called Benadryl - give it to your kids as you get on the plane, the rest of us trying to sleep will love you for it instead of thinking up elaborate curses to bestow upon your screaming todlers and future generations of your family line. Oh, and to the lady in 17A - yeah Hi. Just becuase your seat goes all the way back doesn't mean it's nice to do that to the person behind you, i'm still trying to feel my legs.

Sorry, that just had to be said.

So my morning was a little off, somthing just not right. I missed out on parking spaces, every store was sold out of the item I wanted to give my brother for christmas, my Mom was chatting my ear off, the guy in front of me at the stoplight had a "Marriage is for a Man & a WOman" bumpersticker (well, I did tell y'all I was back in Texas.)

Then, at lunch, I realized what was wrong.

I went to the bathroom and looked down as I was peeing.

Hmm...what's that? That doesn't belong there! Well no wonder I'm having a bad day!!

I saw a tag...a little white floppy tag...and yes,

I had my underwear on backwards.

You know, that can just be the thing that sets everything off from the start.

So I switched it - and the rest of my day has been pretty decent.

So here I am, in Small Town Texas - bored. Really bored. Bored bored bored bored bored. Its 10 pm Texas Time (that's 8 pm San Francisco Time) and my family is all in bed. This town is shut down, the Sonic isn't even open. Thank God & Baby Jesus for the internet.

So on a final note of the day. I got this email. Way back when I was looking for a place to live in San Francisco, I had found the perfect apartment. Single Hot Guy, 3 bed place in North Beach - right where I wanted to live. He didn't pick me, which has worked out fine in the long run, but he sent me this..

"Remember me Kelly? I just wanted to say hello to you.
You were such a nice guy and I told you that we would
be in contact. I want you to know I have not
forgotton about you. Have a wonderful holiday Kelly."

AWWWWW - Now, thats the way to end a day!

Good Night everyone, Happy Holidays.

Tis the season.

2006-12-13T17:29:00.000-06:00

Ok, so between working, shopping for christmas presents, holiday parties and figuring out travel plans, I have been neglecting my blog. Sorry about that.

I wish everyone the best of the Holiday Season.

xo

Kel

Who Knew???

2006-12-08T14:54:00.000-06:00

Lesbian Goth Bars can be A LOT of fun!

Dear Santa,

2006-12-04T14:07:00.000-06:00

I've been a very good boy this year. (No snickers from the peanut gallery, please.) I've brought smiles to the faces of many of those around me, especially those individuals I've met out and about in the Castro. I haven't kicked any homeless people in the head, even when they took all my garbage out of my can and laid it all out on the sidewalk in front of my door. I've stopped elbowing my way onto the busses and trains, and I haven't made fun of any old orientals in a long time.

So will you please bring me whats on my list this year?

Thanks ever so much.

Kel

Ps. List is enclose below.

Xmas List:
1. High Paying Job.
2. Attractive, Rich Sex God for a husband.

That's All.

Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays.

Extended Stay Central America

2006-11-27T21:23:00.000-06:00

Thanks to everyone for the "welcome backs" but I'm not back yet. I extended my trip until tomorrow. God willing and the start align that I clear customs quickly and make my connection in Miami tomorrow, everyone say a little prayer.

xo

PS. I'm writing this on the floor of my bedroom as there is automatic gunfire going off somewhere over the wall.

Thank God for security guards.

ciao

Bienavidos a Costa Rica

2006-11-25T16:31:00.000-06:00

Entra Bajo su propia responsabilidad!

(Welcome to Costa Rica...proceed at your own risk.)

This should be the slogan of Costa Rica. Everything attraction here, while amazingly beautiful, comes with some degree of risk to personal injury. I guess this is the norm in a country which has at lease three active volcanoes and a major fault line through the middle of the capital city (which I am about 1 km from and have to cross anytime we drive anywhere.)

My flight down here was thankfully uneventful and nice. I slept pretty much the whole way. Upon landing, my friend Jason picked my two friends and I up and drove us to his home in Escazu. Did I say home, I mean fabulous gated house atop the hill with a view of San Jose. We were all pretty tired from the trip, so we all retired to our seperate rooms and prepared for our 2 hour drive to
Tabacon the next morning.

Tabacon is an amazing resort. The drive there alone was worth the trip as we drove the the "Cloud forest" apart of the mountains so high you actually drive through the clouds. The tabacon resort and hot springs are at the base of the Arenal Volcano which is a very active volcano. At night you can see the lava flows glow red down the side of the mountain, and about ever half hour there was this thunderous BOOM as a minor eruption took place. It was beautiful and unsettling at the same time.

I honestly didn't feel like it was real. I guess Americans are so used to "Disney-esque" vacations that we don't comprehend that no that's really not a staged volcano, and no the monkeys and birds were not flown in and yes mother nature here is bold and dramatic yet also dangerous. It's hard to explain I guess, but yeah, I went to relax at a spa at the base of a volcano that could erupt and kill us at any moment surrounded by a jungle filled with deadly snakes, spiders and other things (the natives here are even afraid of the butterflies, they think the wings can make you ill, i'm taking their word for it.)

The spa, however, is very relaxing. I spent about 4 hours relaxing in the hot springs and then had a full body massage in an outdoor private spa room. Between that and the fresh Pina Coladas I'm not thinking about much else.

Ok, time for a siesta. I'll write more soon, tell you about the horseback riding, the La Fortuna falls, and the ginger kids from hell.

xo

ciao

kel

Off like a Prom Dress

2006-11-21T19:28:00.000-06:00

Sorry it has been a while..i've been busy and a little under the weather.

Tomorrow at 6:30 am (gasp) I will by flying off to Costa Rica where I will spend a week with my fabulous friends at the beautiful Tabacon Resort a natural Hot Springs resort and spa. Hopefully by some miracle of American Airlines and God my luggage will not get lost and I will get over this miserable cold in time to enjoy myself.

Maybe I'll just grab a chicken as it runs by me on the asile and turn it into soup.

Seriously though, I'll post again in about a week and hopefully will have some amazing pictures to share with you.

Adios dear readers and Happy Turkey Day!

School Daze...again

2006-11-14T16:06:00.000-06:00

I just saw this site http://www.getmortified.com/ and watched the featured video.. Brilliant.

I ALSO just got this email:
"Hey freakdaddies of 1992! I will need all the help I can get. I have spoke
to a few of you about having the reunion the weekend of Jubilee days (June, 2007), but nothing is set instone. (At this fairgrounds) there is a huge amphitheatre and
pavilion, plus camping sites!!! It would be awesome for our reunion!!!"

Yes yes, it is time for another Class reunion of the Class of '92 at RHS back in small town Texas. Now, I know that some of you like..ney, are obsessed with the new hit show Friday Night Lights but let me tell you not all Texas Teens live such rich and interesting lives. Some of us, like me, spent our time growing up DREAMING and PLOTTING our escape from said football inspired hell holes. The ONLY reasons I even go back to said reunions is because A: I'm still the same weight I was when I graduated and B: All of the people I hated in High School are now Fat, Divorced, Bald, or have some other sort of thing going on to which I feel superior.

Ok, - that and I really do like seeing some people.

The last reunion I attended was a big surprise to me. I ended up hanging out with two people I never even spoke to in HS and had the best time with them. The crowd I had always WANTED to hang out with, spent the whole evening reliving moments that I either found boring, or wasn't a part of. I also spent a good amount of time with the boy I always had a crush on who is of course straight and hot and one of the nicest guys in the world. And then he invited me back to his motel room to drink beer.....

and...

and...

I stupidly said no. Maybe I'll get a 2nd chance this time.

If I go.

The only reason I wouldn't go is because the said campground on which we might have our big ol' reunion is owned and operated by one of my classmates.

Said classmates was THE stud on campus. Most of my hometown girls lost their virginity to him, and he was I have to say, a very hot stud. Unfortunately, after graduation he never left, and he became a big alcoholic pot smoking drug addict that did nothing but screw everyone in town and talk about his high school glory days.

Sad I know, but it gets worse.

He found Jesus. Or should I say the Baptists found him.

Long story short he is now Born Again and while I'm glad he is not a big drunken mess anymore, now he hates "The Gays." Including me, which he expressed to me at a wedding I saw him at a few years back.. In fact, he threatened to Kick my Ass - I challenge I will admit I did NOT back down from, but other people stopped from happening.

So you can see, it might not be in my best interest to travel back to Small Town Texas, where A: his rich daddy has a lot of influence over the local law/courts and B: Go to a party out in the middle of the county on HIS land, where he has Lots of guns and a Bible to back up any threats of physical harm to me.

We'll See. It's a ways off anyway.

So go watch the aforemetioned Video. Laugh, reminisce, and remember those bullies that may or may not have picked on you when you were younger; and then revel in the fact that you are doing better than them now.

Remember as Elvira says, "Revenge is better than Christmas."

xo

Kel

Friends

2006-11-11T21:26:00.000-06:00

So this whole past few days I've been spending time with lots of friends. I love my friends, friends are great. I have 3 friends in from Texas right now, whom I love spending time with. I also have 2 more friends from Texas that officially moved here this week, and I love spending time with them. Last night my old Texas friends that are visiting met and partied with my new San Francisco friends - save a few excpetions that flaked out (no suprise to any of us though.) We had a GREAT time, and it was so nice to stand back for a moment and realize how lucky I am to have such wonderful people in my life.

As some of you may know, I've been going through a rough few weeks. Fortunetly, I've been getting a lot of text messages, random quick phone calls and emails from friends all over the place"just checking in" and to say " just thinking about you."

You know, those little messages mean a lot. Right now, stop reading this blog, and take a moment to text or email or call someone you care about and say "Hi. We're friends and I just want to let you know I really care about you and your life." It will make that person's day..or even week.

Ready? Go.

(tick tock tick tock)

Did you do it? Ok now do it again with someone else...go ahead, I'll wait.

(do dee doo doo, doo de doo.)

Ok - see you just made one or two people in your life feel really really special.

Atari - I was having such a crappy morning when you called just to say Hi. Cyn, I was in a really, really bad mood until I got your txt message. Joel, can't wait to hang with you soon. Case, Mark and John, thank you for spending the time and money to come see me. Doc - I miss your emails, but the small ones we exchange really make my day.

Thank you.

So now that we have had all those warm and fuzzy moments, lets talk about something else. When a friend calls you to get together and you are "in the middle of somthing." or "too busy to talk, I'll call you back" and you don't - or even worse, you FLAKE OUT. I'ts really your loss, becuase that person - your friend- is going to go on and have a FABULOUS time with other people with out you and you are the one mising out. Or, YOUR FRIEND, may really be in a bad place and really need to talk to you about something going on in his or her life. Or maybe he or she really misses you and you are getting so wrapped up in your own business he or she is feeling neglected. Just think about that next time you blow your friend off. Becuase being a fair weather friend doesn't cut it with a lot of people and the next time YOU call your friend for some reassurance or a favor or to get together - you may just find that that person isn't your friend any more.

In other words, don't take people for granted and make sure you tell people how much they mean to you every day; becuase you never know when they may not be around any more.

What a beautiful DEMOCRATIC day..

2006-11-08T17:42:00.000-06:00

The sky is BLUE, the water is BLUE, the house is BLUE, the Senate is...hopefully Blue.

Don't let us down Virginia. Don't pull a Florida.

You go Nancy Pelosi! (snap)

You go Middle Class voters! (double snap)

You go Donald Rumsfeld..you go all the way to the unemployment office. (two snaps and a twist).

Hey Tom Delay, sorry your seat went to a DEMOCRAT - (a shallow victory, but one none the less).

Hey president Bush...who's playground are you on now? Huh? Wanna kick some sand in our faces now? Glad you want to put partisan politics aside..now. Glad you admitted you lied...now. Glad you are trying to shuffle some of this off on Rove..now.

Laura - get a divorce attorney. Either that or another case of scotch and a carton of Virginia Slims ready.

All snarky remarks aside. I'm very happy at the results of this midterm election. Maybe this country can get back on track. I hope that the new congress will focus on very important issues, like pulling us out of Iraq, re-instating and actually upholding the constitution, and how about we have a REAL homeland security plan instead of just faking one. We are going to have to put some issues aside - I for one say we sacrifice the whole gay marriage debate for now and wait a few years on it. I'd much rather have, you know, THE PATRIOT ACT revoked and get back some of my Civil Liberties than have the right to say "I'm Married". It's going to a long hard road, I hope that the Dem's will take this opportunity to fix a few atrocities that have developed in the last few years.

Please DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL COMMITTEE. GET OFF YOUR ASS!! Now is the time for STRONG LEADERSHIP. No more Howard Dean, No more putzing around. Lets get it together and SWEEP IN 2008!!!

You Go DNC!!

I once again am proud to fly this flag. I have been so ashamed, and fearful, of my country over the past SIX years. The war, the lies, the corruption, the lies about the corruption, Most of my fellow American People hiding their heads in the sand, or really truly beliving in Bush's messages of Hate and Fear.

Today though, reaffirms my faith in the Democratic Process. Voting Matters. Beliving in the System matters. Now I just hope and pray that things will get better. For all of us.

So to those of you that voted yesterday, regardless of how you cast your ballot. Thank you.

XO

Kel

Halloween with the Stars

2006-11-04T20:43:00.000-06:00

So I finally have recieved my pictures back from Halloween. While the rest of you were out and about I'm sure, or staying home handing out candy to kiddies and hosing unruly drunken teenagers off your lawn, I was tra-la-la-ling about as personal photographer to the stars of my FAVORITE reality show Project Runway . Here are a few shots of the evening for your pleasue..and envy.

3rd place Larua Bennet finally gets her cumuppance from Season Three Winner Jeffrey Sebelia

Hosts Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn "Make it Work"

A crazed fan spots Fashion Forward Sexy Man.. Tim Gunn

Heidi, Tim and Jeffery celebrate at a swank house party.

Laura, Tim and Jeffrey in the Limo on the way home

Now, aren't you all just Jealous Bitches?

xo

Kel

Well Call me a Dixie Chick

2006-10-30T17:47:00.000-06:00

Just because I don't support our President doesn't make me Anti-American.

I believe suspending rights guaranteed to us by the Constitution is Anti-American.

I believe lying to the Citizens of the United States to force a War is Anti-American.

I believe supporting a regime whose whole purpose and agenda seems to be A: scaring the crap out of its citizens and B: making as much money for their own families personal gain is VERY Anti-American.

People are afraid and people do crazy things when they are afraid, like vote republican.

Clinton almost was impeached for lying about a blow job. Bush has lied and lied and lied again and the entire Republican Party continues to stand behind him and his (masters?) colleagues. WTF?

Enough.

In a related topic NBC refuses to air a Commercial for a Dixie Chicks Movie because they don't support the President.

So basically, our national media system is becoming biased and Pro-Bush. Hmm..Goebles anyone?

(He was Hitler's wing man in charge of propaganda.)

So, I offer you all this thought - this Aggressive, controlling, big-brother-esq Bush Regime is reminiscent of the Nazi's rise to power. People and artists are again being blacklisted a la McCarthyism. If you don't agree, go read some history books.
Some American History books.

I realize these are very blanket statements. I realize this is going to start some debates and piss some people off. That's good. I want you thinking. I want people to start questioning this government and do something! Talk about it, donate money, donate time, or even just VOTE.

That would be very Pro-American.

A Brief Political Post

2006-10-27T23:42:00.000-05:00

George W Bush is using fear and fueling hatred of Homosexuals to push his political Agenda.

So, if your are anti-gay, you are pro-bush? Ironic.

Hitler used fear and fueled hatred of Homosexuals to push his political agenda.

If I was Jewish I might think twice about how I vote in the upcoming November Elections.

Getting into the system

2006-10-26T18:14:00.000-05:00

So all day today I have been trying to apply for unemployment. Each time I spend 20 min going through the California Unemployment helpline menu to file for unemployment. 7 menus to listen to and a 5 min speal at each menu on how you can apply online - which I cannot do becuase I haven't lived here 18 months. At the end of the final menu choice, verifying that yes, I do indeed have my SS#, Drivers licence #, past employment history including company name, address, telephone number, superviser and wage history ready to go I get this:

"We're sorry, there are no available agents to help you at this time. Please try back later."

CLICK

Bitches!

My inner Shameka is about to come out y'all.

AHHHH!!!

2006-10-24T18:53:00.000-05:00

Thanks everyone for your well wishes. I stupidly hit the "reject" button instead of the "publish" button on my comments. So i'm publishing some of them here:

Richard has left a new comment on your post "Feels like Monday Morning...":

Well there you go, huh? I am sure with your intelligence, wit, and charm that you will have no trouble finding a new job that you actually like. That makes the world of difference.

Have fun with Jimmi.

Jeff Skybar has left a new comment on your post "Feels like Monday Morning...":

Get on United Kel! Start pushing out the resumes! You'll find something, you would be an asset to any company that hires you. And don't forget the idea of becoming a chef. I still think you should do that.

Jason M has left a new comment on your post "Feels like Monday Morning...":

Humiliate clear channel and get paid for it...

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/tfr/220687912.html

Nick Natoma has left a new comment on your post "Feels like Monday Morning...":

If there's one thing my good friend Kelly does, he lands on his feet with a cocktail in hand. You've wanted out of there for a while now...the universe just gave you a bit of a nudge.

love you guys!

Feels like Monday Morning...

2006-10-23T15:58:00.000-05:00

So I am now Un-employed.

Just thought y'all should know.

Anyone know of a great high-paying job in The City?

I hated the mega-conglomerate world wide BULLSHIT company I worked for - which was referenced in a very vague way in Praire Home Companion by the way. We were so top heavy in management it is not even funny, and they have more croney-ism going on there than the Bush Administration. My boss was a lying bitch and most importantly, for all the stress, long hours and BS I put up with I was only making as much as a grocery store checker. Hell, they probably made more.

So - I'm on the job hunt. And my Days are free if anyone wants to grab lunch, or shoot over to Sonoma or catch a Movie.

Xo

Kel

A brief Sunday School Lesson

2006-10-20T12:30:00.000-05:00

Thanks everyone for all the Kudos and pats on the back, they are not necessary though. Perhaps in my previous post I didn't express what I wanted to.

What I did was very "Good Samaritan" -esq (ok, I hear the groans from all my non-Christian/anti-religon friends, but really, read a few Bible stories - there ARE some good lessons in there.) To be honest even though I was calm and trying to take control of the situation, I was completely terrified and freaked out inside.

I don't talk much about my beliefs in person or on this blog. But I was raised Catholic and even though I don't follow any organized religon these days, I definitly have a strong spirtual side.

I belive we should do good by others. We should help others when we can. And I believe that ordinary people sometimes are Angels. Yesterday, I needed support and guidence - I needed someone there to help me keep it together so I could help this guy on the sidewalk.

It was "Mohindar" who was the Angel, not me.

Angels Among Us

2006-10-19T11:41:00.000-05:00

This morning I was waiting in line to get on the bus..normal everyday long line for the bus.. and the guy standing in front of me fell down and started having a Seizure.

And people stepped over him to get on the bus.

No before I sound all self righteous, let me tell you I have definitely stepped over, walked by, and general avoided homeless and "street people" while I've been here. This guy, however, was a normal everyday average person on his way to wherever when this happened.

And people stepped over him to get on the bus.

Maybe people stepped over him because he was Chinese, or maybe because his "members only" jacket didn't match his sneakers, or maybe because the citizens of this city are so desensitized to other's needing our help that they just ignore it because really, what day doesn't go by that some homeless crack addict collapse and foams at the mouth while begging for change.

But this guy was different and really needed help.

This guy could've been me or you.

So, not really knowing what to do (again!) I rolled him over to his side and tried to keep him from beating his head on the concrete. He was bleeding pretty bad from a cut on his face already, but my main concern was to keep him from choking on his vomit, which was pouring in small amounts from his mouth.

And People stepped over BOTH of us to get on the bus.

And I sat alone,with this man struggling and fighting whatever demons his brain had given him and just held him.

Finally a man sat down with me and said "You are doing good, keep him on his side and keep talking to him." The man looked and sounded like Mohinder from Heroes so it helped calm me down a bit. Finally a beat cop came up and told us help was on the way.

The Chinese man finally stopped seizing. He tried to sit up, but Mohinder and I kept him lying down. He said his name was Jerry, then he started talking gibberish. Mohinder kept talking to him and I told the cop what had happened, you know, so if the Goddamned Ambulance should ever show up. (I swear the response time in this City SUCKS). Finally, I realized I really didn't know what else to do and if I stuck around, I'd really be late to work and possibly get fired.

So I stepped over him and got on the bus.

And cried the whole way work.

Thank You Mohinder for sitting with me and Jerry this morning. I don't know if you know it, but you helped me believe there are good people out there. I really needed you there this morning.

So yes, Virgina, there are Angels among us.

*UPDATE*

Since I seem to cuase siezures to random people around me I decided to do some research. If you someone around you has a seizure and you want to help follow these instructions:

What to Do if You See Someone Having a Seizure
If you see someone having a seizure with convulsions and/or loss of consciousness, here’s how you can help:

-Roll the person on his or her side to prevent choking on any fluids or vomit.
-Cushion the person’s head.
-Loosen any tight clothing around the neck.
-Keep the person’s airway open. If necessary, grip the person’s jaw gently and tilt his or her head back.
-Do NOT restrict the person from moving unless he or she is in danger.
-Do NOT put anything into the person’s mouth, not even medicine or liquid. These can cause choking or damage to the person’s jaw, tongue, or teeth. Contrary to widespread belief, people cannot swallow their tongues during a seizure or any other time.
-Remove any sharp or solid objects that the person might hit during the seizure.
Note how long the seizure lasts and what symptoms occurred so you can tell a doctor or emergency personnel if necessary.
Stay with the person until the seizure ends.
Call 911 if:
-The person is pregnant or has diabetes.
-The seizure happened in water.
-The seizure lasts longer than 5 minutes.
-The person does not begin breathing again and return to consciousness after the seizure stops.
-Another seizure starts before the person regains consciousness.
-The person injures himself or herself during the seizure.
-This is a first seizure or you think it might be. If in doubt, check to see if the person has a medical identification card or jewelry stating that they have epilepsy or a seizure disorder.

After the seizure ends, the person will probably be groggy and tired. He or she also may have a headache and be confused or embarrassed. Be patient with the person and try to help him or her find a place to rest if he or she is tired or doesn’t feel well. If necessary, offer to call a taxi, a friend, or a relative to help the person get home safely.

Kel's Addendum: Head immediatly to the nearest bar and order a shot of Jack Daniels.

Therapy

2006-10-16T14:14:00.000-05:00

We all need a little stress relief sometimes... a little break in the day. A nip of somthing here, a little prayer there, some time on the couch, a few yoga positions -

Of course all this costs money.

I have always found the best therapy in life to be free.. (This is really for you Regina)

Relieve your Stress

Seriously, this is worth millions.

Momma Fox you need to school your son!

2006-10-15T04:13:00.000-05:00

I hope you are reading this Momma Fox. If you are you need to CALL your son right now and school him on some etiquite (that's manners for some of you folk).

I was about to get a date with this....

and your son,
CHAD FOX COCKBLOCKED ME!!!

Which basically means he prevented me from spending time with this very very hot muscle guy perfect for me. Not only did he go on and on and on about some inane story that I needed to be a part of, when I ignored him he kept poking me while I was trying to talk to my future model husband! Will you please call him and update him on his manners? I would greatly appreciate it.

Incendintly, I will be cooking brunch for him tomorrow (today if you are reading this on Sunday) and I cannot be held responsible if somthing funny ends up in his eggs.

I hope you understand and help me in this matter.

Xo
Kels

Crushes

2006-10-13T17:51:00.000-05:00

How do you know if someone has a crush you and isn't just flirting?

Sigh..what to do?

2006-10-11T14:27:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling very lackadaisical about posting right now. Sorry. Just a lot on my mind. I moved to California to find a new direction in my life, and during this adjustment period I have clung to familar ways and bad habits- which I need to shed if I want to go forward in life.

My personal life here is Fantastic. I am very very lucky with the friends that I have made here. Socially, there is never a dull moment.

Professionaly, however, I'm in a dark tar pit of Hell in which I am stuck and sinking in minute by milimeter while my soul is being slowly sucked out. I need to find not just a new job, but a whole new career.

I've been scanning Craiglist like mad. Ok, not like mad but I have been looking (procrastination - one of the bad habits I need to shed). I've found a ton of Admin Assistant postions - all of which pay equal to or more than I'm making now. United is hiring for flight attendents, and I know I could work the runway in any plane. I'd really like to find something in the wine industry or maybe publishing - but how does one break into that without any experience already in those industries? (BTW my background is in Media and Real Estate- neither of which I want to do again.)

Any Ideas?

BREAKING NEWS!!!

2006-10-06T17:23:00.000-05:00

You can read the full story at San Francisco Sentinel or SF Gate or like me, catch the quip on Towleroad . However, I think it's the biggest news of the year!

My beloved Gavin has abandoned his hair gel. Look's pretty sexy huh? ROWRRRRR!

Awwww...

2006-10-06T16:34:00.000-05:00

For Kalvin :

"Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth."

tee-hee.

Ps. I updated my blog-roll. I added a few new friends and fun projects, I took off some people who gave up on blogging.

xo

VISITORS!

2006-10-05T12:14:00.000-05:00

YAY! ATARI IS COMING!!
(Yes I stole this from APNH but it's a cute picture.)

Also visiting all the way from TEXAS this weekend will be... this person who never updates his blog; John who really never updates his blog; and Nick Natoma's wittle new blogger babies all decending upon us.

Now if we could just getLg Tony out here..

Let's do...Brunch

2006-10-04T13:06:00.000-05:00

Most of you know I grew up in a small ass Texas town. "Culture" wasn't something we expierenced much - mostly consisting of High School Band Concerts or what one could catch on PBS. Life was pretty routine. One thing for certain was every Sunday morning my Mom would wake my tired ass up at 7:00 am to get ready for 8:00 mass (we were Catholic). I hated going to church and I mostly hated waking up that early on a weekend!

Some Sundays, however, were worth it.

Every once in a while, after mass, we would go to Brunch.

My parents were friends with a couple that went to our church - Mr. and Mrs. Moore. They were elderly, and had lived all over the world. They had this big turn of the century house about a block away from our church, and they would invite us and another couple with children over after Mass sometimes.

Mrs. Moore was from Louisana, and she was a true Lady. Let me let you in on a little secret of the South - Good Southerners have manners, but Louisiana Southerners have manners AND know how to entertain! Mrs. Moore would set up a spread of good Southern Brunch food like crawfish pie, benigets, community club coffee, and the best coconut cake you ever ate! Most importantly, she kept the Bloody Mary's flowing. She even made Virgin Mary's for all of us kids. She would regale us with stories of her youth, show us trinkets from around the world, and give us homemade rock candy.

I've always LOVED Brunch ever since. Back in Austin, my friends and I would get together almost every Sunday and spend all day drinking Mimosa and Bloody Marys, making some of the most fattening food God created, and laughing all day until either a: we all passed out or b: the Champagne ran out (we ususally went through a case or two).

It's one of the things I miss most about Austin. Its something I really wanted to share with my friends here in San Francisco. Well, I tried.

If you haven't already, you can read about what happend Here at Natoma or here at Chox or sing the tribute song at Panic or BEST YET download the video and see for yourself at Dan-Nation !!

I take no responsbility for any of the drunkeness or injuries. I was simply there to make the quiche.

Posting a Picture

2006-10-04T12:54:00.000-05:00

Just posting so I can finally have a profile picture. Gotta love the Mac.

Update on Zip the Steer

2006-10-02T18:09:00.000-05:00

My family wrote to say that although Zip "done real good" at the Fair, he didn't win any prizes.

Adios Zip

Ok, I'm done bitching...

2006-09-28T17:26:00.000-05:00

Joel Over at "This is not Medical Advice" wrote a very sweet post today that put me in a much better mood. Also, he reminded me that when special people come into your life it's nice to ackowledge them. That being said:

Mr and Mrs X - it was lovely to meet you on your recent trip to San Francisco. You are both as witty and fun to be around as I would have expected from being friends with your son. It was truly a delight to spend time with you. Thank you so much for supper, and for "raising right" one of the best people I know. I hope to see you soon.

xo

Kel

On another note, someone has finally thrown his glove into the ring and started blogging. I'm not sure who gets to claim him as their "blog baby" - but all I'm gonna say is I knew him first.

Y'all welcome - The Chronicles of Natoma .

I'll blog roll you and add a few others when I have time.

Happy Writing.

One of those days..

2006-09-28T14:43:00.000-05:00

I love it when you walk into your office and people start blaming you for something that went wrong when it isn't your fault. I totally got my ass jumped the second I walked in (late of course) and have been arguing back and forth ever since.

I have spent 2 hours this morning justifying why I wouldn't be the scapegoat for something that someone else did wrong. Fortunetly, I have all the emails and paperwork I need to back me up. Instead of economics, colleges should offer courses on how to Cover Your Ass (the pre-requiste being "how to fix the copy machine".)

So I proved that I was not the person at fault, yet I am still in trouble. Apparently emailing everyone involed and double checking the information got to the correct people isn't enough - my "communication skills" were lacking on this isssue.

The best is, I gave my dept. head a heads up that this was going on - and yet it backfired on me and I was called out for being late today - even though I provided a legitimate excuse, a made up one, but legitimate.

Whatever, I"m tired of arguing and I'm totally pissed off now.

As my co-worker said "You can try to teach a pig to sing, but it wastes your time and annoys the pig."

Oink

You know you are from Texas when...

2006-09-26T15:18:00.000-05:00

.. your family sends you updates about their Steer.

"Just a reminder that Zip (the cow) will have his first show this weekend at the Comal County Fair. Wish him luck!"

Yee-haw

My Heros have always been...Crazy lesbians?

2006-09-25T18:41:00.000-05:00

I have an old email address that I check about once a week. I mostly get spam, emails from things I signed up for ten years ago, and the occasional suprise email from someone from my past.

Today I kinda got a nice one.

There is a great organization in Austin called OutYouth . OutYouth is an organization for gay/lesbian/bi/transsexual youth who need someplace to go to feel safe. They provide counseling, leadership workshops and safe space for teens to go and work out their issuse with being gay, coming out etc. It is a very good organization and very strict on who can and cannot volunteer there becuase it is dealing with youth. I believe you can be a memeber if you are ages 15-18. When I went there it was 18-23, but times have changed. I really belive in this organization, encourage anyone to donate time or money to it, and I have a very very good reason for supporting it.

13 years ago this center, and more specifically the executive director, saved my life.

The email I got today was an annoucement that after a long absence Lisa Rogers has returned to OutYouth. She was one of the founding memebers in 1990, and served as the Executive Director for 7 years. She's also the person that held my hand one Wednesday afternoon in February 1993 and let me cry my eyes out. She's the 1st person I uttered the words to "I think I might be gay."

Pretty scary words for an 18 year old kid from small town Texas.

I haven't talked to her in years, but I'm glad she is back where she can help other kids figure out their life and give them the courage and strength she gave me.

The first day I went there I met several other kids my age who were all trying to figure out what "gay" meant. We became fast friends and remained so for a few years through college. We dealt with how to struggle against against discrimination, how to stand up for our rights, how to have our voice heard. We also learned how to deal with coming out issuse- how to tell your family, friends etc. Remember this is before "Ellen" or "Will and Grace" This was before the Internet, no such exposure and help as we have now. We all made it through - except for one.

Sadly, one of our friends commited suicide the day he told his parents he was Gay. They rejected him becuase of their religious beliefs. It was the same day I told my parents I was gay. I think it shocked them into acceptance.

Guy's death affected us all very much. It was very hard on me becuase before that Wednesday when I walked into the OutYouth center, I was pretty sure my only option was to kill myself. Lisa convinced me otherwise that day, that's why I say she saved my life.

I'm a very different person than I was 13 years ago. I owe a lot of it to OutYouth. I went from being shy and inward to outgoing and extrovered. I learned to trust myself, and my sense of humor. I went on to become the Vice-President and then the President of the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual student association at the University of Texas - which is something I'll always be proud of. I found my voice, and I learned how to use it.

I'm very thankful that I met Lisa Rogers and this is the letter I wrote her today:

Dear Lisa -

I just read the email of your return to OutYouth. Congraultions! I
hope it is as beneficial for the you as it is for the program. I am
glad to hear that you are continuing to do great thing and help
inspire Queer Youth to move forward.

I will never forget the day we met. It was the day the the YWCA
pulled their funding from OutYouth. It took all my courage to walk up
the stairs of the Guadalupe building - and when I reached the top the
office was in chaos! You took me into your office, and persuaded me
to open up. I was so confused and so so lost. You let me cry my eyes
out and then you invited me back that night - it was a Wednesday. (Wednesday nights were new member nights)

I met so many good people that night - Dottie, Sid, Matthew, and of
course Guy. When Guy died you helped keep us together. It was one of
the darkest and hardest things I have ever had to deal with - your
strength and leadership helped us understand and make it thorugh such
a rough time

I loved it when we would go on the social work panel interviews. We
had fun times with you. The best though, was when we gave our
speaches at Regan High School to persuade them to allow gay youth
programs at their schools. You encouraged us so much to stand up for
oursleves and tell our stories. (I was on TV)

Most importantly you and the program helped me find the courage to
come out to my family. I'm happy to say that my enitre family -
Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, cousins, 2nd cousins, even 4th cousins,
love me for who I am and it has never been much of an issue. When it
has been I just remember all that you taught us and try to educate
them on the issue rather than argue. Whenver I am faced with
discrimiation and adversity - I remember the lessons I learned at
OutYouth and stand tall for myself.

Basically - you helped me walk through fire, and I know I have the
strength and courage to do it again.

I am now living in San Francisco and will probably move back to Austin one day
as it is my home. When I do, you can be sure I will look you up and
help out anyway I can.

13 years ago you saved my life. Thank you.

I hope you are well. Good luck and I look forward to seeing the great
things that you do!

Sincerely and with the Best of Wishes.

Kel

She of course wrote me back:

You sure know how to make an aging lesbo relic's day! Thank you so much. Wow. We're even.
I hope you do move back to Austin. I'd love to have an alum assoc. If/when you do, please track me down so i can hug your neck. That's so cool about your family. You got me grinning too, pal.

Fearlessly yours,

Lisa

Crazy Dyke.

Lisa always said to be "Fearless" and there is only "One you for All Times". I forget to be fearless sometimes, but it's nice to have a reminder.

I hope that I touch other people they way that she touched and helped me. So here is my advice for you today. Find your voice. Help Others Stand up for what you belive in. Stick to your Guns.

And be Fearless.

xo

The Path to hell is paved with good Intentions

2006-09-21T13:41:00.000-05:00

From: Donald E. Wildmon
Founder and Chairman
American Family Association

September 18, 2006

Please help us get this information into the hands of as many people as possible by forwarding it to your entire email list of family and friends.

NBC, Madonna Set To Mock The Crucifixion of Christ

Help send one million emails asking NBC to show Christians the same respect they show other religions

Dear Reader,

Following the lead of Rosie O'Donnell and ABC, NBC has decided to join in the bashing of Christians by airing a Madonna special in November. A specific date has not been released.

In the show, Madonna, wearing a fake crown of thorns, descends on a suspended mirrored, disco ball-type cross. When some Christian leaders complained about the mockery, NBC ignored their concerns.

Making mockery of the crucifixion of Christ has been a trademark of Madonna for many years. In 1989 she had a video for the hit song "Like A Prayer." The video featured burning crosses, statues crying blood and Madonna--representing Jesus--freeing a saint from his sexual repression by seducing him. This is the same Madonna who once said, "Crucifixes are sexy because there's a naked man on them."

Kevin Reilly, an executive at NBC, said Madonna considered the scene mocking the crucifixion of Christ the highlight of her show. "We (NBC) viewed it and didn't see it as being inappropriate." Madonna considers mocking the crucifixion of Jesus the highlight of her show and NBC agrees.

Help us secure one million emails to NBC asking the network not to air the Madonna special by Clicking here

If you think our efforts are worthy, would you please support us with a small gift? Thank you for caring enough to get involved.

Sincerely,

Donald E. Wildmon, Founder and Chairman AFA

Hmmm... Don't Think so.

My Grandmother emailed this to me. I'm not sure why. Maybe she wants to step up the effort to save my soul. Maybe she saw "Madonna" and thought it would interest me. Maybe she thought I would agree with this letter and sign the petition to keep this mockery of Christianity off the public airwaves where it could influence small children and lead them away from a life filled with Christ's love.

I alwasy thought Jesus was for Free Speach. I mean didn't the Romans and the Jews try to keep him silent? Hmmm...irony.

Anywhoo I won't be signing this as I'm a pretty big advocate of free speech. I think any blogger probably is, but I'm pretty much of the opinion that it's one of the best thing this country has going for it - even if Bush & Co aka Karl "Beelzebub" Rove wants to change the constitution to get rid of it.

I love how this letter sites two specific things: A: Rosie O'donnel - whom I can only guess they don't like b/c she is a big loud pushy lesiban (go Rosie) and B: they don't think the networks are showing Christians proper respect like they are other religions. Huh? Sorry I didn't catch "The Matza Hour" with Myra Finkelstein or "Getting in good with Mohammad" with Omar Hazzal anytime this week. I must have missed Everyone loves Buddah as well - damn you TiVo.

Before anyone gets all upset, let me just say that I consider myself Christian - with a twist. I belive in the basics. I belive in God or a higher being. I believe Jesus did exist and he had a lot of good things to say regardless if he was divine or not. I think the ideas are right - love and forgivness etc. I think a lot of greedy and bad men have gotten hold of the Bible/Tora/Koran and manipulate things for their own agenda - mostly to make money, a la Pat Robertson. I think many many horrible things have been done "in the name of God" and I'm sure many more will happen. But, Love, Forgivness and faith are all there - simple elements, simple ideas that I embrace.

I'm honestly getting very sick of religous extremists of any kind. Muslim, Mormon, Christian, Jewish - whatever - get over yourselves. Belive what you want to belive, just stop pushing it on me. Let me watch and do what I want. Stop blowing up planes and buildings. Stop stabbing people b/c they want to hold a parade (like you did in Jerusalam). Stop molesting small children and blaming it on the gays...oh wait wrong soap box. And most of all STOP FUCKING WHINING that you aren't getting treated right. You OWN this government. You've gotten most of your pithy little laws passed banning gay marriage, gay civil rights, outlawing abortion, almost outlawing darwinsim. You have our education boards producing ignorant children who will grow up beliving the world was created yesterday in 6 days, and refuse to let them read Harry Potter. I'm sure in about 4 generations we will be banning math as it is "magic".

Sigh. Until then, Please..let us just listen to Madonna. She's not the Devil. She's not evil. Yeah, she was slutty, yeah she pushes the edge. It's called ART - and its important becuase it makes people think - something you religious wackos don't want any of us to do.

An open letter to General Mils

2006-09-18T18:41:00.002-05:00

Dear Person at General Mills who comes up with new Chex Mix Flavors:

Your New Chocolate Chex Mix Turtle flavor is the bomb. Seriously, it's a choco-explosion in my mouth. The sweet "coco puff" reminiscent flavor is mixed with the salty good-ness of carmel and nuts just perfectly, as stated on your bag. You even remind us it has 50% less fat that regular potato chips, but even if it had 50% more fat that regular potato chips I would eat it. It is my new favorite snack.

That being said, I do have one small consumer suggestion. You have to many pretzel rings per bag. Now, i'm all for the occasional pretzel, in your regular flavors the pretzel provides an nice crunch, a hearty breadness and a lightly salted tingle on the tounge. However, in comparison with the rest of the Turtle Mix, the pretzel in teh case falls a little flat- in fact, it just seems to take up space, and one must wonder if you inculded it in such abundance to create a cheap, tastless filler.

In my recently consumed (ie scarfed down) 4.5 oz snack bag of New Chocolate Chex Mix Turtle I counted 31 pretzles. After eating 5, I determined that the pretzel was actually taking away from the salty/carmeley/choco goodness and leaving a bitter aftertaste. Then, while trying to avoid the pretzel, it became not a yummy part of my snack, but a true annoyance. The cute circular shape of your pretzel, while tepmpting some to play as though they are engagement rings or small monocals, actually trap other parts of the snack mix, especially the peanuts and milk chocolate candies. Thus, the non-pretzel eater, such as myself, my painstakingly excract the desierd tid-bit from the nasty pretzel and put back into the bag to aquire the perfect sweet-salty mix so desired, and as claimed by your advertisment on your own bag. I realize some people my be emphatically pro-pretzel, so I suggesst cutting down the number of pretzels per 4.5 bag from an overstated 31 to a more manageable 10 or so and replacin the missing preztels with more carmel popcorn goodness, since that seemed to be lacking much from my bag with only 4 or 5 pieces to enjoy.

I hope this slice of market research will be well recieved, and I look forward to our mutual consumer/eater relationship.

xo

PS. Just so you know the uneaten Circular Pretzel rings did not go to waste, they were turned into excellent projectiles to launch over cublicles in a competing office turf war.

Just an update

2006-09-15T14:36:00.000-05:00

I'm heading off to Monterey and Carmel for the weekend. Ann Richards funeral is on Monday, so I'm not going to post anything new until then.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Losing a hero..

2006-09-13T23:11:00.000-05:00

My Best Friend from Texas just called me.. "Kel", he said "The Governor has passed." I knew immediately he meant Ann Richards , not the current Governor, but definetly the best Governor Texas ever had, the 45th, and a one-termer. She died around 10pm CST September 13, 2006 after a battle with throat cancer.

Her official bio says she was from Waco, Texas - although my Great-Aunt from Waco always called her "that Gal from Lacy Lakeview." (She didn't like her much, but then my Aunt was a bit conservative, people from Waco aren't fond of Lacy Lakeview). She was a great orater, she shaped my political belifs and inspired me to participate in the political process. I always hope she would have reached a higher office one day.

I had the pleasure of meeting her twice in my life, and found her quick in a witty charming way. I don't think they make women like her anymore - tough ol Gals.

An educator of the masses she fought for the rights of the underdog, minorities, women and definitly a friend of the gays. Those who loved her found her a champion. Those who hated her did so becuase she shone a light of justice on those men who will always expoloit the weak for their advantage.

She was a legend in Texas politics, and appearing on the cover of Texas Monthly riding a Harley Davidson is the way I remember her best.

She is a iconic symbol of my home state, and I'm sure all of Texas is in mourning for her tonight. I am proud to say she is one of my heros, and my heart is heavy with her loss.

Asked once what she might have done differently had she known she was going to be a one-term governor, Richards grinned.

"Oh, I would probably have raised more hell."

Give 'em hell Ann. May you continue to inspire us all.

xo

Kel

Ann Richards
1933-2006

and... breathe

2006-09-13T14:41:00.000-05:00

My work review today went well. Much much better than I expected. I almost slept through the night last night, only woke up once (at 5:00 AM, thank you mr. garbage truck). My co-worker checked out ok, but I for one would be really worried and demand they run enough tests until they found out what was wrong.

Project Runway is on tonight, so that's where I'll be, and then the next serveral day's I'll be checking in with my new favorite blog Project RunGay - whom I love and want to bow down in front of.

Hope everyone is having a more than status quo day! Make it Work!

Um.. Okay Death, was just kidding man.

2006-09-12T17:24:00.000-05:00

Wow, talk about can't take a joke. Seriously though, I'm sorry I wrote that post. I hope I didn't hurt your feelings. Now, please, cut out the crazy shit in my life today.

For the rest of you, today has consisted of me:

A. Waking up at 1AM after a horrific post-nuclear war apocolyptic nightmare (set in disney-esq animation where we were all mice no less)and being scared out of my wits for almost an hour.

B. Waking up at 3AM convinced that my Grandmother was dead and that I wasn't going to be able to fly home because of this damn ear infection and being upset for almost and hour.

C. Having a co-worker at lunch have an unexplained seizure and collapse at the table as we were talking about seizures and aneurysms which I'm still totally freaked out about.

D. Having a "review" tomorrow at work all of a sudden, out of the blue. (ok, that might not have to do with Death, but I'm scared none the less.)

La la la lala, ok,..lets all be friends and be right with the world again, okay?

Death is at my door

2006-09-11T12:12:00.000-05:00

Now, I am not afraid of Death. However, I am very annoyed when the fucker keeps banging at my door all weekend and ruins my party plans. Death can be a good wing man, a fun party guest as Ms. Bee's Knees can tell you I'm sure. Hell, we've partied at a bar in Ft. Walton Beach together before. Well, some how we got into a tiff, and you how how bitchy eternal entities can be and Death bascially had me trapped in my room all weekend with a fever. So, if I missed your call this weekend, or missed plans with you this weekend, I'm sorry, but honestly, it really wasn't my fault.

Dude, you are sooo off my Christmas Card list.

Happy Birthday Mr. President...

2006-09-08T18:53:00.000-05:00

Acutally...today is the Fag Stag's birthday. I bet he needs a spanking...

Love you G!!