Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Channeling your inner Black Woman





I blame it on my upbringing, I really do.

See I was raised in the South, down here in Texas; and, I was taught to have good manners, be polite, say "Yes ma'am" and "No Sir" and just generally be a good person.

But sometimes good manners and courtesy just don't cut it.

We no longer live in a world where courtesy is common. The people at McDonalds no longer say "Thank you and have a nice day", and people on the street talk on cell phone and listen to MP3 players to avoid conversation...I understand all that. This is now a world in which, when someone is rude to you, or if someone is trying to screw you over, you can no longer report them, because chances are no one really will care.

Proper manners state that you are just supposed to take being screwed over and walk away with dignity and poise that represent good breeding. However sometimes you just gotta say:

"Well Fuck that Shit!"

We AAALLL have her in us! Our inner black woman. You gotta nurture her, you gotta feed her and let her breathe. I said "AMEN" say it with me "AMEN". When someone is fuckin with you, you gotta just let go, reach down inside you and LET HER OUT! 'cause she will cuta bitch! Say hallelujah.



Some woman cut in front of you in line at the grocery store? Hell Naw! Go all Rhonetta Johnson on her ass (" I ain gonna drank off her!") Don't just hit her heel with the back of your cart and act like it was an accident, cuss a bitch out! You boss fuckin wit you? Slap her upside the head and scream "cause you a white ho, that's why".

Shiiiit fool.

My own inner black woman is Shameka McDonald LaQuita McNiel, cousin of Chadiqua Dijoneyese Flonosa, and sistah to Chantral who stay down in Tarrytown. She WILL cut You. She will cuss you out. And if you really piss her off, she might just back hand you into next week, and then steal your wallek to pay for the nail she jus broke doin it.

So if you need some inspiration, head on done to Hoover's Home cooking, eat some mustard greens and ham steak, watch "Beauty Shop" and "Diary of A Mad Black Woman" back to back, dowload some Shirley Q. Liquor, and set the world right.

And the next time that little twerp from the IT department makes you feel stupid for not know how to utilize your outlook, just tell him ....








images taken from crunktastical.blogspot.com and Stop Touching My Food

4 Comments:

Blogger Pope-rah said...

Hahahaha!!!!

9:49 AM  
Blogger Jeff said...

I am Miss Cleo. "Honey I AX you" Whad da fuck R U durrin?"

Kel,

I'll be in Dallas on Feb 17 to the 19th. Well actually about 1/2 hour outside of Dallas. It's the first time I've been to Texas, so I really don't know distances and relativity to Austin. I'm ignunt that way.

10:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

great blog please tell me you went to rhonettajohnson.com, I was just there and people are killing this girl.

10:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shirley Q. Liquor coming to San Francisco!

Thought you might be interested in this:

http://homepage.mac.com/sfcabaret/

5:20 PM  

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