Tuesday, August 12, 2008


I'm going back.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

I'm all for the Pink House

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Quick Review of Mamma Mia

Pray that the theater burns to the ground before you are forced to go see this move.

I can only wish that the Greek Chorus (great job ladies, you were the ONLY part of the movie that I enjoyed) revolted and captured the director of this TRAGEDY of filmmaking and sacrificed her to appease the ancient gods of whatever island was the location and in doing so will save the rest of humanity from ever having to have another one of her movies unleashed on us again.

Christine, Julie, Pierce, Colin and Meryl...I forgive you for you know not what you did.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

To those of you who saw me last night..

I realize i was in rare form. If any of you have pictures or video of the wrestling match I got into at the bar last night with the mohawk boy, please send them my way. If you were one of the people that I called "trash, spic, jew-boy, mexican hooker, Pekingese (don't ask me why), fat whore, wuss, loser, bitch, nasty cunt, cum faced cunt, smelly cunt", or any other choice monikers I called out, well if you didn't deserve it I apologize. To the boy whom I poured my drink on, well you DID deserve it, but I'm sorry about that too. To the shot boy, please don't ever serve me those blue ones again, I blame you for all of this and how I feel today.

You know it's bad when you wake up with a vague recollection of BEING ON THE FLOOR OF THE BAR not once, not twice but THREE times and then you decided that it was time to go home. You know it's bad, when you look out side and your car is parked sideways. Oh, to the person who honked at me on my way home I'm sure I deserved it, but honking at drunk people does not make them happy and that it why I rolled down my window and screamed at you. You know it's bad when the boy you like (see previous post) calls you the next day and says "You left me a message at 2 am and you are a DIRTY BOY!" To the woman at Whataburger I called a cunt for not putting pickles on my burger, I'm sorry. If it's any consolation I dumped my entire whatasize coke on my lap in the car and will now have to have it detailed.

I'm going to go eat lots of Mexican food now, drink lots of water, and then I'm going to hide from the paparazzi.


Saturday, July 12, 2008

Red Velvet...blood red

I have a new boy crush...he is totally cute and a successful artist/photographer, and he's totally sexy.  And he has a thing for armadillos.

You all know what this means don't you?  If we get married I get to have a groom's cake in the shape of a Giant Armadillo!!

My dreams will finally have come true!!

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

The James Lipton Interview

I stole this from a new reader, Jim over at "Jim's Notes" . It's Benard Pivot's questionnaire made infamous by Inside the Actor's Studio's host James Lipton...

What is your favorite word? dirty - I'm dirty, you're dirty, that's dirty, dirty whore, etc
What is your least favorite word? head - the phrase "I have to hit the head" makes me ill.
What turns you on [creatively, spiritually or emotionally]? cooking/food - I love the blending of flavors, comfort food, new food, exciting food, etc.
What turns you off? bad smells
What is your favorite curse word? FUCK! As in "Fuck me running" my favorite phrase when exasperated.
What sound or noise do you love? a summer thunder storm, a train in the distance, and the sound of a wine cork all make me happy.
What sound or noise do you hate? "The leaf blower or a ringing phone can send me into a conniption fit."
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Vintner
What profession would you not like to do? Jr. High Teacher
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? "Welcome, here is your VIP packet..."

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Critical Mass-holes

There is a bicycle movement that started in San Francisco to spread awareness of bicycles on the road, alternative transportation, the need for more bike lanes, etc.  While I always enjoyed watching the eclectic array of participants in this group pedaling down Castro or Market streets, I never thought they were doing any harm and had a good message.

The Austin Group However, are total fucking ass-holes.

Once again, People have taken a good message and are using it as an excuse to create havoc, violence, and push their own agendas.  Yesterday I was held up at a stoplight by Austin's own Critical Mass ride.  These miscreants beat on peoples cars, scream obscenities at motorists, and almost everyone of them gave us "the finger".  Plus, they sat there in the intersection for three full light changes, at 6 o'clock, in the middle of Austin Friday Traffic.  If that isn't cause for a violent reaction from people trying to get home or to Happy Hour, then I don't know what is.  

I really honestly wanted to run them over.  I'm all for peaceful protest of whatever it is that gets a bee in your bonnet. But these people were provoking and dangerous, never mind that they almost cause THREE accidents when they barreled through against the green light on one of the cities busiest throughfares. I tried to find out more about their organization here in Austin, but I could not find much information.  The "official" Austin site even has a disclaimer for the web-master saying he will have no part of the Austin rides because the Austin group is to subversive.

All I could find was this blurb on a myspace page"

Critical Mass is a mass coincidental bunch of cyclists on the city streets. The point is to show everyone, commuters, pedestrians and residents that there is a better way to get around. We show people how much fun cycling can be, and how much safer and more pleasant it makes our streets.

We ride to show how much quieter, cleaner, and safer the streets of Austin would be without so many cars. We want to show that bicycling is a fun and healthy way to get around the city."
Apparently this member doesn't realize she is keeping people away from their families, people away from their jobs (I was late because of these ass-holes), people away from HAPPY HOUR for Christ's sake.  What if I was a doctor rushing to the hospital for an emergency? Or what if I was a parent rushing home to take care of a sick kid? These idiots on two wheels have no concern but their own "agenda" to disrupt society and cause trouble.  On their Austin website, they even taunt that the police will do nothing to them, and will take care of any motorist that will get in their way.

Well just for the record I hope someone bends all your spokes Ass-holes.