Friday, March 03, 2006

Be careful what you wish for.

I can't believe this is all happening so fast. I mean, I wanted it to happen, but its just happening so quickly! In November, I prayed, "Please let me move to San Francisco." WHAM! Here it is happening...all...very...fast.



When I was little kid, I loved spinning on the merry-go-round. My playmates and I would each grab a rung, and run like hell, spinning the thing so fast you'd thought it would take off. Then we'd kinda jump, while hanging on to the rails and for a few moments we were flying, laughing our fool heads off and hanging on for dear life while the world spun and spun and spun and everything was a amazing, multi-colored blur..

That what I feel like today. I'm so Happy to move, but everything is a blur. In a few short hours today I sold my furniture and it's gone! My Mom is here helping me sort and pack, and we had to eat dinner on the floor in an empty room. I've gone through 16 boxes of memories, taking a moment to reflect on each item before making the decision "do I haul this book/picture/scrap of paper to California, or let it go?" Most things have ended up in the trash or Goodwill pile. I mean, I love the plastic bead bracelet I got from my best gay friend in college, but do I really need to keep it considering I have no idea where he is these days? And I really love the monogramed flask that was given to me by someone that I haven't talked to in 4 years, so is it worth hauling out to a new city?

13 and 1/2 years of memories are in these boxes. I've carried these memories through 11 moves, 14 roommates, 6 boyfriends, 2 girls who wanted to be my girlfriend, 3 pets, losing 2 best friends that I thought I would have for life, and the death of someone who I thought was the love of my life. Some really bad moments in my life, and some really really fucking good ones too. And am I really going to leave them all here behind in Texas, all boxed and wrapped up in pretty shiny tape?

Yeah, I think I am.

This is what I asked for after all.

6 Comments:

Blogger StratoCade said...

Your description of the merry-go-round brought back memories of Lydia Parra, who was held back a few years and was significantly more developed than the rest of the 4th grade... We used to get on that Merry Go Round and chant: "Ly-di-a Push, Ly-di-a Push!" Those were the days...

OY!! Before I forget: *I* gave you that flask - not the other person who's initial is on it... So, while it may seem like I've been out of town four years, it's really only been four weeks precious.

7:36 AM  
Blogger the doc said...

It's just "stuff" for Goodness Sakes. Jettison the excess baggage as you start a new chapter in your life. If you keep all the "stuff" you collect over a lifetime, it will be your ultimate survivors who will have to go through items that have absolutely no meaning to them, and they will dispose of it without a pause of reflection. Save them the trouble. Best to go to San Fran naked as the day you were born, but you would be arrested for that.

11:10 AM  
Blogger Chox said...

Actually, if you showed up naked, the police would probably just tell you to cover yourself and send you on your way...if they'd even notice at all. ;-)

2:57 PM  
Blogger Rey a.k.a. "Mr. Secret" said...

Dizzying best describes what your life sounds like right now... and when you go around and around too quickly, you get sick. So slow down, my friend... Take a moment to stand back and look at it all, then haul if off to good will with nary a regret.

Can't wait to come to SF to see you and Dan... xo

7:12 PM  
Blogger Kelly said...

tear in my eye...i am such a wuss...went through the same emotions several years ago as I quit my job and moved to DC for some boi...well, not just any boi...long story for another day...but having to go through memories and decide what to keep is tough..dont toss it, just store it at moms...and good luck with the move...

7:07 AM  
Blogger David said...

Moving and packing are such cleansing activities. It's like mental dermabrasion.

11:45 AM  

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