Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Who threw that chicken at me?

Sorry I've been lax on posting, but I really haven't had a moment to relax. I have, however, had a few experiences and observations that I will share with you now.

I'm ready to admit it. Yes, I am a little princess. Shock, I know, but I thought the with the move here to San Francisco, I would shed my materialism, drop some baggage and live a care-free life with few possessions and just the joy of life to keep me happy.

Yeah, um..no.

As much as I try to spin it, I'm really living in a dump. Calling it a "pension" or "hotel" or even the charming "boarding house" isn't going to cut it. It's a dump. I realized that yesterday when my linens were changed and my sandpaper sheets had holes and old bloodstains on them, and my white see through towels smelled like poo. Oh yeah, and had PUBIC HAIRS embedded all in them.

GROSS!

So I dropped a few hundred dollars at Macy's yesterday and now have damask peacock blue 400 thread count sheets which cover a doubled over egg-crate to shield me from the springs in my "mattress" (and I use that term loosely). I also picked up some extra fluffy Ralph Lauren towels and wash cloths, pubic hair free. I had the first good nights sleep I've had since I moved here, and my towels were so fluffy I wanted to wear them to work.

See, things do make you happy.

I've also started braving the bus system here. I've pretty got the MUNI down, which is the subway system here. However, the MUNI doesn't take you UP the goddamned steep that kill your legs hills that I have to climb every day, so I'm exploring the bus lines. A few days ago, I braved the Chinatown express (actually the number 30 but it goes right up through C-town) and actually felt like I was in Shanghai what with all the animals on the bus. See the Chinese markets here sell live chickens, fish, etc and you can either have the store staff "dress" them for a fee, or take them home. I've learned that the Chinese are VERY cheap, so they take their animals home to kill them. Best Value.

In Chinatown this isn't a big deal. But, a lot of people live outside of this district and still shop there. So the other day I'm on a bus around where I work, down in SoMa (south of market street) and a little Chinese grandma tries to board the bus. If you live in SF or have been here, you know the type - frizzy gray hair, wrinkled little turtle face, sweat suit, Dr. Shoals, pink bags, cane to whack the round eyes with. Well this one was carrying a live chicken as well, not uncommon but also not really appropriate outside of Chinatown,where she was obviously coming from.

Well, La Shonda our bus driver from Oakland (the ghetto) wasn't having it! She wagged here 4 inch nails and said "Um, you can't bring that bird up in here. It's alive!" I was kind of in agreement with La Shaonda. Well, Grandma Mei-Ling obviously had a plan of her own. She took the chicken by the head and gave it a twirl.. CRACK and wrung its neck. "It no alive no more" she grumbled and got on the bus.

I could write about the heart attack that La Shonda had for the next 4 blocks, but I don't have that much space.

Jai Jan Gurhl!

17 Comments:

Blogger Darin said...

awww man...now you're making me get all weepy for Chinatown - but the one in Honolulu.

I remember taking TheBus from Manoa to Hotel street every Saturday to get fresh fruit from the markets there.

I guess I was freaked out the first time I saw a full pigs head hanging in the window of a meat shoppe. Bleah!

After that - nothing surprises me anymore. I'm numb.

1:29 PM  
Blogger Jason M said...

2 words.... Bird Flu

1:44 PM  
Blogger JohnInAustinTX said...

Oh no she didn't!?! And people think the gays are weird...trust!

1:46 PM  
Blogger StratoCade said...

I just about pissed my pans laughing at the tale of Lashonda an Mei-Ling. Reminds me so much of the wet market I lived next to in Hong Kong. I remember watching with great amusement at the horrified looks the expats would give as they walked by both live and disembowled chickens for sale...

Thank you for that. I'll be laughing all day.

3:00 PM  
Blogger the doc said...

Kinda makes you miss Texas and N.C. bar-b-q.

6:18 PM  
Blogger Kelly said...

Nice of you to come back...I missed your stories...this one was a good one...I am getting visions...hehehe...hope things continue to go well in SF...

8:01 PM  
Blogger Jeff said...

Good thing you bought new sheets and towels. That is a must. Besides, the granola lifestyle of minimal possessions is highly over rated I think.

BTW. I heart Texas. I fit right in there like a glove.

8:35 AM  
Blogger Sandouri Dean Bey said...

the only thing pubic hairs should ever be embedded in is other pubic hair.

8:58 AM  
Anonymous Krist said...

LMAO!!! Okay, you are now officially the blog I will read for my memories of home! It used to be 'Night Cabbie' In the chronicle, but he retired. Keep it up!

12:30 PM  
Blogger Pookie Pie said...

Oh... my... dear.....

bwaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!

2:13 PM  
Blogger Pope-rah said...

What a great story...take pictures next time kel!

3:10 PM  
Blogger Kevin said...

Wow, so that makes TWO of you who choked their chickens on the bus!

(Sorry -- how could I avoid that OBVIOUS pun?)

3:13 PM  
Blogger David said...

I don't think they're cheap, they just don't trust someone else to do the killing. I like to do my own laundry not just to save money but because I have never liked the way anyone else has ever folded my clothes. Sometimes we princesses have to take things into our own hands. Don't fuck with Mei-Ling, she will cut you.

4:40 PM  
Blogger Liberalgrrrl said...

That is awesome. I am so impressed. It makes me l;ove my new adopted city even more.

4:43 PM  
Blogger Michael said...

That is the best story I've heard in ages. See, you just got to SF and you've got the best story....just think what else you'll get the chance to see!

4:05 PM  
Anonymous Bryan said...

it no alive no more. i just peed my pants, priceless

4:36 PM  
Anonymous Cyn said...

I so love you rblog hun!!! Makes me miss ya' even more!!! David Sedaris has nothing on you!!
muah!
cyn

6:40 PM  

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