Monday, April 10, 2006

Somebody send me some bean dip and fritos!! STAT!

Ok. I really miss Texas food. The sushi and dim sum here is good, but the rest is CRAP. I mean CRAP. Everyone here slathers their food with A-1 or Ketchup, and you know why, becuase it tastes like CRAP other wise.


Not having a kitchen sucks. The very minute I move in to an apartment, I'm going to unpack my cast iron skillet and fry up some okra, chicken, squash, green tomatoes and whatever isn't nailed down. Then i'm going to make some brown gravy and eat it all up. Then I'm going to make the biggest pan of enchilades with chili con carne you've ever seen and make a vat of good ol' queso and dive in. I'll be in a food coma for a week, but I'll be happier than a pig in mud.

What has prompted this little rant? Last night I went to a diner and saw they had "Chicken fried steak and eggs" on the menu. I almost cried. I ordered it and waited and waited and waited with the anticipation of prisoner waiting his last meal. I could taste the salty breading, the tender meat, the grease that my body is craving. I could taste Home.

When the waiter sat my platter down in front of me I stared in disbelief. Every fiber in my being said "Get up, go to the airport and fly home. You don't belong here."



Ladies and Gentlemen: This is a chicken fried steak (with cream gravy). This is home to me.

What I was served had no breading, no seasoning and no resemblence to the picture above. It was a New York Strip that had been pan fried until it was shoe leather.

Yes, I know. I thought that too.

Help.

26 Comments:

Blogger Atari_Age said...

Oh no... Even I know that's not right. Look, if you can get a good chicken fried stake in Boston (Well, I know you could tt the old Bob the Chef's), you can get one in SF too.

Time to break out the Zagat's guide!

1:34 PM  
Blogger Rey a.k.a. "Mr. Secret" said...

Maybe you should go somewhere besides a diner for it. Diners are good for only two things - breakfast and hot open sandwiches (turkey or roast beef)... And usually only to sober up after a heavy night of drinking... Other than that, yer taking yer chances...

2:01 PM  
Blogger StratoCade said...

I'm gonna make you a big ole sandwich with some collards and fat back, and then I'll make you some of my grandmamma's greasy greasy chicken... You know you'll hae that all over yo face... fuh real.

2:27 PM  
Blogger David said...

I'm afraid I can muster very little sympathy here. Those foods all sound apalling to me so I'm pleased that your new environment is keeping them out of your system.

Although I still hope you sent the poorly made dish back. Bad craftsmanship is bad craftsmanship.

2:48 PM  
Anonymous Cyn said...

Oh Honey! Get me your delivery address PRONTO!!!!! I'm gonna send you a BIG OL' Package of Texas Love!!!! And please tell me you're closer to finding a place WITH a kitchen - that is SAFE!!!!!
xoxox

4:02 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

I've sent a friend of mine from Texas an email asking where to go in SF for good CFS, as I would have no idea (my family's from Wisconsin, so I pine for schaum torte and summer sausage). I'll let you know if I hear anything.

BTW, if you find a place in SF understands what "sweet iced tea" is, let me know (as I'm sure you've discovered, most San Franciscans think it means regular iced tea with three bags of Equal). I've got several southern friends who would appreciate a restaurant that serves real sweet iced tea.

4:33 PM  
Blogger the doc said...

I'm with you Kel. My fried okra can't be beat. Poor, poor Dave. But what can expect out of "New York, New York" except a nice tune. Everyone has to die from something, may as well enjoy the cause.

4:56 PM  
Anonymous Bryan said...

This is the dirty little secret that no one will tell you about when you leave "home". I once paid $25 for two enchiladas without rice or beans in Tokyo. I also had a burrito made with peas and carrots in Heidelberg. I think this must be how New Yorkers feel when they bitch that they can't get good pizza or bagels in Austin. Of course, you can't.

Chin up, my little brave Kel. Are you allowed to warm things up in your residence? I can send ya a little something.

5:04 PM  
Blogger Kelly said...

oh deep fried southern food...i want some now...but have to knock down this weight before vacation...hang in there...i am sure you will find some good grease soon....good luck!

5:54 PM  
Anonymous bren said...

Hey, sweetie, what about this place here?

7:38 PM  
Blogger Pookie Pie said...

Oh my darh-lin... that's just NOT right for Jesus. I can send you the fixins for Frito Pie... Are you able to warm things up anywhere? If not... a good assortment of chips and salsa might be able to hold you over till you have a kitchen.

9:58 PM  
Anonymous Tony said...

Lordy, I feel for you, son. I just had some real chicken fried steak with cream gravy (we call it Sawmill gravy around here) just last friday night.

12:53 AM  
Blogger Jeff said...

I have never had chicken fried steak before, but it sounds delish. But then again, I enjoyed my meals in Texas, much like the meals here.

9:00 AM  
Blogger Chox said...

Kel, feel free to come over and use my pots, pans, and kitchen to make those enchiladas...they sound good to me.

12:00 PM  
Blogger BRETTCAJUN said...

I felt the same thing in Las Vegas. They were trying to charge $26 for Jambalaya. It looked like NOTHING I am used to down here in Louisiana where it is not uncommon to find it for $5 for a plate! I'll be in your fair city next week. Need a Southerner to hang out with?

2:51 PM  
Blogger Atari_Age said...

Oooh! oooh! Can I come too?!?

Oh, wait, I forgot, I'm watching my weight.

Well, I'll stop by and just watch, ok?

5:49 PM  
Blogger Moby said...

Thief! I'd know my fried Okra anywhere! lolol

There ain't nuthin' like good ole southern cookin'

We should do a cookover and have everyone bring a southern dish!

12:04 AM  
Blogger Kevin said...

Mmm, chicken-fried steak.

:(

9:46 AM  
Anonymous MeDionysus said...

I got your cream gravy baby,

whipped up just for you.

just playing, maybe when i come and visit i can bring some left overs and you can taste real country cookin from the, how did you phrase it?, oh yeah, dust farm.

drop me a line or give a ring.

MeDionysus

2:39 PM  
Anonymous Bryan said...

Since I'm planning my move to L.A., I've been researching neighborhoods in San Francisco...

Lookie what I found (although it's in the Outer Sunset):

Bashful Bull Too!!: Chicken-fried steak with country gravy, and American breakfast standards: It's the last full breakfast before the Pacific. 3600 Taraval St. (at 46th Avenue), (415) 759-8112.

This is from the SFGate, so they might not know what a good CFS is.

Namaste!

9:43 AM  
Anonymous DCMASSHOLE said...

I miss chicken fried steak and greens. I have not had them since I left the Dallas area and the last time I ate them was a Po's Melvins, "So, Good make you want to go home and slap your momma." Well, that is at least what the shirt said. Then again the person that cooked it was big and I found out he died of a heart attack. I guess maybe it was good not to eat chicken fried steak all the time, but it is so good.

8:15 AM  
Anonymous Krist said...

5000 restaurants in The City... surely one will make you happy....

10:46 PM  
Blogger Darin said...

You're a chicken fried steak.

12:23 PM  
Blogger The Persian said...

I remember the first time I ordered a chicken fried steak, not knowing it was a real BEEF Steak. Stupid me thought it was going to be chicken.

That dish is not native to New England (although I've seen it served at Denny's now)

2:51 PM  
Anonymous Jason-M said...

Oh, you are in culture shock, aren't you. It's a big adjustment, Texas to SF and it will take time. Suggest you check out soul food parlors in SF and over here in Oakland. YOu know, Oakland is that place across the Bay Bridge where the Lesbians live. Come to think of it, I'll bet you can get a decent Chicken Fried Steak at Meritt's Restaurant near Lake Merrit in Oakland.

11:55 PM  
Blogger Cement Brunette said...

Good lord. Where have they been taking you and with whom, pray tell, have you been eating. We have amazing eateries here.

And believe me. I lived in Central Texas for a coupla years and I know what y'all eat down there.

3:58 PM  

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