Critical Mass-holes

There is a bicycle movement that started in San Francisco to spread awareness of bicycles on the road, alternative transportation, the need for more bike lanes, etc.  While I always enjoyed watching the eclectic array of participants in this group pedaling down Castro or Market streets, I never thought they were doing any harm and had a good message.

The Austin Group However, are total fucking ass-holes.

Once again, People have taken a good message and are using it as an excuse to create havoc, violence, and push their own agendas.  Yesterday I was held up at a stoplight by Austin's own Critical Mass ride.  These miscreants beat on peoples cars, scream obscenities at motorists, and almost everyone of them gave us "the finger".  Plus, they sat there in the intersection for three full light changes, at 6 o'clock, in the middle of Austin Friday Traffic.  If that isn't cause for a violent reaction from people trying to get home or to Happy Hour, then I don't know what is.  

I really honestly wanted to run them over.  I'm all for peaceful protest of whatever it is that gets a bee in your bonnet. But these people were provoking and dangerous, never mind that they almost cause THREE accidents when they barreled through against the green light on one of the cities busiest throughfares. I tried to find out more about their organization here in Austin, but I could not find much information.  The "official" Austin site even has a disclaimer for the web-master saying he will have no part of the Austin rides because the Austin group is to subversive.

All I could find was this blurb on a myspace page"

Critical Mass is a mass coincidental bunch of cyclists on the city streets. The point is to show everyone, commuters, pedestrians and residents that there is a better way to get around. We show people how much fun cycling can be, and how much safer and more pleasant it makes our streets.

We ride to show how much quieter, cleaner, and safer the streets of Austin would be without so many cars. We want to show that bicycling is a fun and healthy way to get around the city."

Apparently this member doesn't realize she is keeping people away from their families, people away from their jobs (I was late because of these ass-holes), people away from HAPPY HOUR for Christ's sake.  What if I was a doctor rushing to the hospital for an emergency? Or what if I was a parent rushing home to take care of a sick kid? These idiots on two wheels have no concern but their own "agenda" to disrupt society and cause trouble.  On their Austin website, they even taunt that the police will do nothing to them, and will take care of any motorist that will get in their way.

Well just for the record I hope someone bends all your spokes Ass-holes.

If you ever need to brighten your day...

This guys is my new personal hero....and what sucks is he was JUST HERE in Austin TX on the 22nd and i didn't get to meet him.   Check out his website at www.wherethehellismatt.com

Parody of "i Kissed a Girl"

I don't care if it's a parody i love it! NSFW

San Francisco vs Austin

SF: 64 degrees F  

Austin: 104 degrees F

SF: Cuisine includes world renown restaurants; best sushi, seafood, and healthy food helping me lost 25lbs      

Austin: Cuisine includes everything fried, queso smothered Mexican food, and b-b-q; causing me to gain 15 lbs

SF: When I'm bored and/or broke can walk to national monuments, internationally known tourist destinations, art museums, etc.  

Austin: To Damn hot to walk anywhere and I'm to broke to afford $4.00 a gallon in gas to go anywhere so i stay inside my airconditioned apt and watch old "king of the hill reruns"

SF: Went on dates with: 2 investment bankers and a college professor

Austin: Went on dates with: 2 guys without a job or car and one who told me he works for the FBI, and the army, and a secret computer corporation and he has a long lost twin brother he mustfind in order to get the bone marrow transplant needed to cure his leukemia that is currently in remission - oh and all this has happened and he's only  25

SF: Spent every day with multiple friends exploring the wonders of Northern California, taking multiple trips to the wine country, weekend jaunts to Monterrey, Carmel, etc., dancing at fun clubs, or just sitting at a bar and watching the world literaly go by.

Austin: Haven't seen my "best friends" in 2 months, except for one who is just as bored as I am  with life in this Hellishly Hot, over hyped, boring ass city with no culture; spending weekends alone in my house or going to the same 2 gay bars over and over again watching fake ass 20 somethings trying to be somebody or fake ass 40 somethings try to act like 20 somethings and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM wearing last season's A&F.

Can you tell what I'm getting at here?

Best Resignation Letter Ever

I used to work at this company that was run by this very "direct" woman...this Alexis Carrington.  She has an assistant that can be at time a total living C-U-N-T.  Seriously, this girl was one of the most retched human beings I ever had to deal with.  I have a good friend that still works there and he handles all of HR stuff for the office.  He sent me this.  I had to share. It is an email from a worker to this assistant.

Subject: What was I thinking?

What was I ever thinking coming to work for such a lame ass company? If i knew your snobby ass was going to go from my friend to bitchy boss I would have never came to work for you.  That's alright though, because I will find a better job and I have more in my life that a dog like you.  So you can take my job and shove it up your fat ass.  I figured I'd let you know how I really felt you spic loving whore.

Your Friend,

J

I have nothing else to say. :)

The Lake

Some people should be chained up in a basement...or another Chinese story

Ok, so I recently flew on a airplane, and had an aisle seat. Stupid me didn't pick my seat ahead of time, so I got stuck with 19C, which was the aisle seat right in front of the bathroom at the end of the plane.  So I'm already not happy.  Anyway, right at the end of boarding this woman comes along and sits across the aisle from me.  She's tall, thin, kind of plain (ok she's chinese and looks straight off the boat, but whatever) but about my age and looks like a normal person.  

Maybe a normal person from some backwoods rice paddy.

She reaches in her purse and ...i swear to god...pulls out a roasted ear of corn on the cob and starts chowing down like its her last meal.   Then, THEN she starts picking the shuck and hair off the damn thing and THROWS IT ON THE FLOOR IN THE AISLE.  

OK - First, where do you even get an ear of corn in the airport? Or, do ya'll think she brought it from home in her purse?  Did she think "hmm, i'm flying out this morning at 6am.. what should i take to eat on the plane? Oh I know,...CORN!"

So here she is muching away, corn flying everywhere, and throwing shit on the ground and I finally just have had it.

 

"OI!" I yell and startle her so bad she stop mid bite and looks at me wide eyed like a kid caught with the cookie jar. "Whu" she grunts at me. "Thats fucking gross, stop throwing your shit in the aisle." I tell her with all seriousness of someone who's about to shove her in the luggage compartment." "Ok" she grunts back.

So she starts throwing her strings and stuff on the OTHER side of here. Oh well I think, at least its not 7 inches away from me anymore and I lean back to my side and try to get some sleep.

But no, my friends, oh no. 

She pulls out ANOTHER ear of corn out of her purse  and starts going to town on that one! Smacking and spitting and chewing ....and then....

"SPLAT"

She was eating so fast and so hard, some of the kernals from her big juicy ear of corn shot across the aisle and 

HIT

me

in 

the 

face.

Y'all...I don't even know what to say. But the look I gave her must have been pure death becuase she put the corn back in her purse unfinished and didn't move till we landed.

can it be.. a new post?

Last night as I was watching the previews of the movie "I could never be your Woman" in a daze of painkillers and overdose of Reese Peanut Butter cups I found myself wondering aloud "Why don't I own this movie? I love Paul Rudd, Michelle Pfieffer, and Tracy Ulman play mother nature?" I also then wondered aloud "Who am I talking to?"

I need a kitty.